Wherein our intrepid talk radio show host interviews Democratic Vice-Presidential nominee Governor Tim Walz.
ANNOUNCER
Live from under a rock in your backyard, it’s The Jerry Duncan Show.
JERRY DUNCAN
Good morning listeners nationwide. Is it a good morning? We’ll soon find out. Today on the show my guest is Democratic Vice-Presidential nominee Governor Tim Walz from the state of Minnesota.
GOVERNOR TIM WALZ
(sings from Song of the South)
Zip-a-dee-doo-dah zip-a-dee-a
My oh my, what a wonderful day.
Plenty of sunshine headed my way
Zip-a-dee-doo-dah zip-a-dee-a.
JERRY
Why are you so happy?
TIM
Trump just got tested again, and he’s still negative. IQ, not COVID-19.
JERRY
You’re 60 years old. You’ve been a high school teacher and football coach, a U.S. congressman for 12 years, an Army National Guard veteran for 24 years, and a governor for 4 years.
TIM
I’m just a regular guy raised on a farm. Worked hard, but I was careful not to say too much in the field.
JERRY
Why?
TIM
The corn has ears. I got all my gossip from a ketchup bottle. It’s a very reliable sauce.
JERRY
Tell me. What makes the Harris/Waltz team different from Trump/Vance?
TIM
We believe in the future, not the past. Where everyone can get ahead. We will not allow the middle class to pay for tax cuts to millionaires and billionaires. There needs to be affordable health care, a woman’s right to choose, and free lunches at school for kids who live in poverty.
JERRY
It’s a bummer being poor.
TIM
I can relate. Times were rough growing up. Dad kept mom pregnant so we could have milk in the house.
JERRY
How did you pay for college?
TIM
I joined the National Guard. Got an education on the GI bill.
JERRY
Breaking news. Did you hear about the accident at Fort Walker?
TIM
Nope.
JERRY
A tank ran over a box of popcorn and killed two kernels.
TIM
I’m pressed for time. My staff said I need to be ready for an interview on CNN in 10 minutes.
JERRY
Let me talk to them.
TIM
Okay. I’ll send a text.
The phone rings. It’s Fozzie the Bear from the Muppets.
JERRY
Go ahead. You’re on the air.
FOZZIE THE BEAR
I’m Fozzie the bear. I need to talk to the governor.
TIM
Everything okay?
FOZZIE
No. Miss Piggy and Kermit the Frog called in sick.
TIM
Did you guys finish material for the rally?
FOZZIE
Yep.
TIM
Let me hear it.
FOZZIE
(reading) The other day, a MAGA Republican guy saw me eating a sub. He said, “Gimme a bite.” I said, “Okay, buddy.” And bit him.
TIM
Not bad. Wow me.
FOZZIE
(reading) Crime is down contrary to what Trump is saying. He’s right about one thing, there was an uptick in May when it added his 34 felony counts.
TIM
Very nice.
FOZZIE
(reading) Did you hear about the church in St. Paul that caught on fire?
TIM
Holy smoke!
FOZZIE
You beat me to the punch line, Gov.
TIM
Funny is in my blood, Fozz. Hey, did you pack the fart cushion? I wanna sneak it on Kamala Harris’s chair for the rally in Phoenix.
FOZZIE
Are you sure? Kamala might be embarrassed when she sits down.
TIM
Nah. She’ll have a blast.
JERRY
Minnesota Governor Tim Walz everyone. He will be appearing August 19th at the Comedy Store in Los Angeles. And on August 26th at Giggles in Saugus, Massachusetts. See you tomorrow.
The Jerry Duncan Show
(c) Dean B. Kaner
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