[Disclaimer: This is a satirical news piece, just for fun, read at your own risk!]

RFK Makes Outreach for New Job

RFK made overtures to both major political parties, hoping to secure a new job.

News sources revealed that presidential candidate Robert F. Kennedy, Jr. has made overtures to both major political parties since dropping out of the presidential race, trying to garner a cabinet post in exchange for his support in the 2024 presidential election.

RFK new job
Photo: Maxlovestoswim, CC BY-SA 4.0

Reached at his Mar-a-Lago estate, where he was putting out on the 3rd green, Republican candidate and former President Donald J. Trump dismissed RFK, Jr. as “low IQ.” He added that there was no foreseeable job for the scion of the storied Kennedy family in a new Trump Administration other than perhaps as a “caddy for mixed doubles.”

In a second interview, Trump aide Reichsfuhrer Steven Miller indicated that perhaps there was a role for Kennedy, as Regional Director of the proposed Vermin Containment Facilities (VCFs). These facilities would serve to house illegal migrants, disgraced Green Card holders, and regular American citizens who have overstayed their welcome. “Ve vould velcome Herr Kennedy,” stated Miller.

Kennedy has likewise reportedly approached the Democratic campaign in search of securing a cabinet level post in a Kamala Harris Administration. Kennedy spokesperson Moon Unit Zappa said, “it doesn’t matter who wins, so long as Bobby gets a new job.” The City of New York has reportedly offered Kennedy a position as curator of the bear exhibit at the Bronx Zoo. This was met by protests from Yogi Bear, Gentle Ben, and Mama, Papa and Baby Bear.

The Kennedy organization has reportedly also been reaching out to noted Democratic boosters in Hollywood, including actor George Clooney and director Rob Reiner. Said Moon Unit: “We reached out to Reiner but, being a meat head, he didn’t get back to us.”

Bill Tope
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