Dispatches from SNN (Slobovian News Network)
In this exclusive interview, Presidential Candidate Kamala Harris unveils her new economic platform, “Kamalanomics.” Step One: Outlaw Wealth.
In an exclusive pre-Democratic convention interview, Presidential candidate Kamala Harris explained to SNN Political Finance correspondent Hollah Foradamme Dollah her plan to reconfigure the financial landscape of America on her first day as President. The plan is called “Kamalanomics 2025.”
The first step is to outlaw wealth. No more American billionaires, millionaires, no more Fortune 500, no more 1 percent. Anyone making over 250 thousand dollars a year will be subject to a 99.8 percent luxury tax. People and corporations will have to fill out a Form RMFX 22 and bring it and the 99.8 percent to the Capitol in Washington — in person, cash only. Funds will then be distributed to the lower income classes.
Senator Bernie Sanders will become The Minister of Dewealthitization and Redistribution and will be in charge of doling out the funds. To receive the money, you must fill out “Form AINGOTSHITGIMMEGIMME.”
Harris said that she will personally “de-wealth” Donald Trump.
Breaking News
JD Vance Revealed to be Jethro Bodine.
SNN Words to Live By
“The stupid is always possible.” — Klinger (Jamie Farr), Mash, 1980’s TV series.
“He who runs away lives to run away another day.” — Comedian Don Bowman.
“You came with teeth. Do you want to leave with teeth?” — Aunt Esther (Lawanda Page), Sanford and Son, 1970’s TV series.
The Question of the Week
Why Does Shit Happen?
Author’s Pick: Either to make us pray, or because it’s just a shitty world.
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