Trouble for JD Vance, as more couches have come forward with accusations of “unwanted sexual advances.”
Akron, OH — Two more couches have come forward with accusations of sexual abuse at the hands of Vice-presidential candidate JD Vance. Both pieces of furniture appeared at a press conference yesterday with attorney Gloria Allred. This brings the number of alleged victims to seven, including four sofas, two love seats and a futon.
Vance finds himself mired in scandal as more of his accusers tell their stories. Shortly after dismissing the first rumor as an internet prank, a couch from Connecticut sold her story to The Weekly World News.
The story detailed a sordid episode at a fraternity party that involved a drunken Vance forcing himself on the freshman sofa after his advances toward two senior co-eds were spurned. Before he could respond to those allegations, Vance was accused of similar behavior by a sofa and love seat that he had befriended a few weeks earlier.
“My clients have suffered both physical and emotional harm due to the unconscionable actions of Mr. Vance”, Allred told a roomful of reporters. “He’s left his mark, and this won’t be easily remedied.”
Vance has been plagued by one accusation after another since being chosen as the running mate for presidential candidate Donald Trump, who himself was bogged down in a defamation case involving a rape last year.
At a rally in Michigan on Tuesday, Vance was shouted down by a crowd of furniture that appeared to be five or six living rooms in size. Chants of “sofa king weird” filled the auditorium and only subsided after the protesters were wheeled out on dollies by security.
While not going into overly-graphic details, attorney Allred explained that the physical elements of the allegations were limited to one couch. As Vance attacked the blue velour contemporary, the second sofa, a floral colonial with faux cherry wood accents, could only stand by helplessly and watch.
When asked what it will take for her clients to begin healing, Allred responded, “A deep cleaning. Re-upholstery perhaps. But certainly a lot of time.”
A futon from Greece told her local newspaper two weeks ago about her encounter with Vance in Ohio in 2008. Part of a furniture exchange program between U.S. and European universities, the victim told of a very intoxicated Vance wrestling her into submission and, eventually, passing out on top of her. She abandoned her education and returned to Athens following the incident.
The candidate has remained silent about the story.
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