JD Vance thinks Americans need to have children to count, and by extension, all parents need to have even more children.
JD Vance’s problem about Americans needing to have more children has been solved.
The Republican vice-presidential candidate could follow the lead of Pavel Durov, founder of the messaging app Telegram, who said he has at least 100 biological children from donating his sperm to a vitro fertilization clinic.
And there’s more he could do. Durov said that such a clinic still has more of his frozen sperm available for anonymous use by families who want to have kids.
Vance could also emulate Durov’s splendid dietary habits.
Durov said he had given up consuming food with the aim to improve his productivity and focus. By productivity, one assumes that also means making more high-quality sperm to produce even more children. “The shortage of healthy sperm has become an increasingly serious issue worldwide,” said Durov, “and I’m proud that I did my part to help alleviate it.”
Vance, who already has three kids and is the running mate of presidential candidate Donald Trump, said Americans “aren’t having enough children to replace themselves. That should bother us.” He said the country’s Social Security system depends on younger workers’ contributions. He added that “we want babies not just because they are economically useful. We want more babies because children are good.”
The Ohio Senator also claimed the United States is under the control of “childless cat ladies who are miserable at their own lives and the choices that they’ve made.”
In a remarkable display of refined, sophisticated English speaking, Vance said a society without babies and kids is “pretty icky and pretty gross.”
“We owe something to our country,” Vance said. “We owe something to our future. The best way to invest in it is to ensure the next generation actually exists. I think we have to go to war against the anti-child ideology that exists in our country.”
It has been suggested that if he hates the idea of a childless America, Vance could go to a clinic and donate his sperm so we can have more JD Vances. Donald Trump could do the same. Too bad Marjorie Taylor Greene is female and doesn’t produce sperm, or she could do likewise. Just what this country needs, as Trump would say, to Make America Great Again.
Of course, Pavel Durov might not be the best role model regarding populating the country with millions more children. Durov was recently arrested in France following an investigation related to a lack of compliance with cyber and financial crimes conducted on Telegram. Specifically, he was accused of failing to crack down on drug trafficking, and the promotion of terrorism and fraud that is taking place on his platform.
The X social media owner Elon Musk, who himself has 12 children, sarcastically called Durov’s feat of having at least 100 children “rookie numbers.” Musk pointed to historians who said Mongolian ruler Genghis Khan allegedly had over 100 children with nearly 500 wives and that up to one in 200 people in the world today are Genghis Khan’s descendants.
Maybe JD Vance should look to the Philippines for another sterling model of someone bringing more kids into this world. Here, we’re talking about Filipino actor Don Ramon Revilla who reportedly fathered at least 82 children.
The late action movie star who died at the age of 93 in 2020 said he didn’t regret anything he had done in the past, and wanted to set a good example to his children. He admitted, however, that “I should not be admired” for having so many children. Having spent so much of his life producing so many children, one wonders where Don Ramon got the time to act in movies.
Then there’s the late basketball superstar Wilt Chamberlain who claimed to have slept with 20,000 women during his lifetime. Which raises the intriguing question of how many children might have resulted from those trysts? Not to make light of his demise, but is it any wonder with Chamberlain having so much ‘action” and “scoring” off the basketball court that he suddenly died at age 63 from a heart attack?
Donald Trump doesn’t seem so enamored by his running mate’s idea that America needs more children. In one of his many campaign videos where he’s riffing about the estate tax, Trump said “if you don’t love your children so much…and there are some people that don’t–and maybe deservedly so…frankly, you don’t have to leave them anything. Thank you very much. Have fun.”
Health care specialists say one of the main criticisms of anonymous sperm donation is that a donor’s anonymity makes it difficult if not impossible for donor-conceived people to learn about their health and to treat genetically inherited medical issues. The specialists say that even when donor-conceived people have their donor’s identity and contact information, there’s still no guarantee donors will respond or tell the truth.
But probably none of that would much concern JD Vance. Because in his big picture, more sperm means more kids and a better America.
However, he might consider the ramifications of what he wants a future America to be. To cite one horrific scenario, you might have seen the episode on the TV show, Star Trek, where the planet Gideon becomes severely overpopulated, with crowds of people everywhere leaving no privacy and practically no room to breathe.
If that were to become JV Vance’s insanely overcrowded America, all somebody might say, to quote Captain James T. Kirk of the Starship Enterprise, is to “beam me up, Scotty.”
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