Gift shop offered attendees a chance to “memorialize their stroll through these hallowed acres with a reasonably priced MAGA” goods.
Arlington, VA — Former president Donald Trump’s recent visit to Arlington National Cemetery to share the grief of the families of fallen heroes may seem out of character. However, when the pop-up gift shop salespeople and merchandise arrived, the event took on a much more familiar tone.
Shortly after Mr. Trump’s arrival, a truck rolled up and a team assembled a tent in Section 60 where casualties of fighting in Iraq and Afghanistan lay, and began selling Trump merchandise. When asked if a souvenir stand in a cemetery was in good taste, a campaign spokesperson offered this response:
“President Trump saw that something important was missing from the grieving experience. He made the bold decision that Biden and Harris are too timid to make. Now, visitors can memorialize their stroll through these hallowed acres with a reasonably priced MAGA coffee mug, keychain, or giant foam finger. That’s what mourners crave. Donald Trump cares.”
When asked if the pop-up souvenir store was simply a money-making opportunity, and not a sympathetic and patriotic gesture, the spokesperson said, “If it was about money, we’d be over at the cancer kids hospital. That place is a goldmine.”
Along with the MAGA keychains and beer koozies was a variety of Trump brand products including $400 basketball shoes, Trump University letterman sweaters, and the imaginary trading cards at $100 each. There was also an abundance of 2020 Trump/Pence gear marked down 10%, but be forewarned that much of the “vintage” product appears water-damaged and smells of mildew.
The store also employed a mobile unit. A converted Good Humor ice cream truck roamed the grounds, ringing the familiar bells and offering a scaled back selection of MAGA merchandise, as well as rocket pops, chocolate éclair bars, and flying saucer ice cream sandwiches.
Trump’s “Things to do with immunity” list:
- Send monthly “Thank You” check to SCOTUS
- Wipe dog shit on Nancy Pelosi’s doorknob
- Stand on 5th Avenue and shoot somebody
- Make Joe Biden eat a bug
- Spend more quality time with m̶y̶ ̶f̶a̶m̶i̶l̶y̶ porn stars
- Get a proper top-secret filing cabinet for the bathroom from Office Max
- Bounce aforementioned monthly “Thank You” check to SCOTUS
- Pardon the J6 Hostages … for $99.95 each
- Threaten to revoke Melania’s citizenship for refusing to hold my hand in public … or private
- Fill out 11,780 Georgia election ballots
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