[Disclaimer: This is a satirical news piece, just for fun, read at your own risk!]

Upcoming Debate: ‘Weird’ Trump vs ‘Nasty’ Harris

Trump on the upcoming debate: “ABC is the nastiest, followed closely by Disney.” 

The upcoming debate between Kamala Harris and Donald Trump will be their first and only for the 2024 election cycle. It will occur on Tuesday night at 9pm EDT and originate from the National Constitution Center in Philadelphia. The event will be staged and hosted by ABC News.

debate
Upcoming debate stage. Photo: Voice of America, Public Domain.

The debate will also be livestreamed on both Hulu and Disney+. Said Trump: “ABC is the nastiest and the most unfair newscaster in the business, followed closely by Disney,” which the ex-president characterized as “a mouthpiece for transgenders!”

Hosting the debate will be “World News Tonight” anchor and managing editor David Muir and ABC News Live “Prime” anchor Linsey Davis will moderate, according to ABC. “Muir is on the payroll of Kamala Harris,” sneered Trump, “and Davis is another childless cat lady!”

Trump expressed great confidence in his expected performance at the upcoming debate, citing the “Deer in the headlights” response of President Joe Biden at the debate held between the president and Trump on June 27. “Biden is an old, old man,” ruminated Trump, who is three years younger, “and Kamala is nasty.”

The debate conditions remain much the same, with participants’ mics muted when they are not speaking, plus two commercial breaks during the debate. One bone of contention remains, insofar as the Trump campaign is concerned: ABC has prohibited use of props. Trump spokesman Steven Cheung has said that Trump wants to use a projector featuring slides of Kamala Harris performing sex acts with Willie Brown.

Prior to the debate, ABC News will air a controversial special, “Slimy Things That Trump Has Done,” a 30-minute show featuring shots of Trump in various venues on trial for fraud, theft, falsifying business records, mishandling classified documents, and forcible rape.

Trump has cried slander, contending that the truth of the charges is no excuse for their revelation. “I am the now and future president,” said Trump, “and I have total immunity.” The program will be anchored by “This Week” co-anchor Martha Raddatz, who Trump has indicated “is not my type.” He has suggested as hosts his daughter Ivanka Trump and Governor Sarah Huckabee Sanders (R. AK).

Other Notes:
Trump running mate Sen. JD Vance (R. OH) and Harris VP choice Governor Tim Walz (D. MN) will meet for a debate On Oct. 1 on CBS. The event will be sponsored by Nine Lives cat food.

Bill Tope
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