“I thought I could help and had some extra cash lying around.” – Taylor Swift, new Chiefs owner and offensive coordinator.
Travis Kelce significant other and global pop star Taylor Swift has purchased the NFL‘s Kansas City Chiefs, installing herself as offensive coordinator. This, after reports surfaced recently that she likes drawing up plays for Kelce.
“I thought I could help, and had some extra cash lying around. I may have to extend a tour a week or so to pay for it,” Ms. Swift said.
“Hey, I’m such a good choreographer, strong leader and creative person that I figure I got what it takes,” she added. “Last year’s offensive production was rather lackluster, so I thought, I’ll help my boyfriend out,” she said, referring to brawny beau Travis Kelce.
It’s true, the Chiefs’ offensive production last season was not quite as good as previous years, but both seasons ended up with Super Bowl Championships. Asked if it was wise to mess with success, Ms. Swift answered, “You’re asking the most successful entertainer ever, not to mention business woman, if she’s messing with success? I’d just refer you to my song, ‘Fearless.’ Next question.”
Later, Travis Kelce was heard from. Asked about his part-time lover and new part-time play caller, Kelce said, “Yeah, she’s a real student of the game now, and started drawing up some plays that I thought were pretty good. She’s a little biased, and so far just creates plays for me. I told her we will have to share the rock at some point with some of the other guys.”
“She even wanted me to do one of those trick plays where I would go in motion across the backfield and stop at the center and take the ball hike, then run it into the end zone myself. Sure, I said, that would work a few times, but we’ve got to have some wrinkles as well.”
“Coach Andy Reid and I are excited about the new season,” said Swift. “He’s been very receptive to my play designs, and said, ‘Oh yeah, you’re amazing, Swifty!'”
“I really don’t think he was being sarcastic, nor is he fearing for his job. But he is getting kind of old, and I do picture myself taking over someday.”
The Chiefs open the NFL season with a nationally televised game against the Baltimore Ravens on Thursday. Told about the news, Coach John Harbaugh of the Ravens said, “Oh, we’re afraid. Real afraid.”
Taylor said she doesn’t think he’s being sarcastic either.
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