The perpetual presidential candidate is cashing in on his fame, hauling in the bucks whether elected or not.
From presidential underwear to a Trump Sex Manual, 45 is cashing in.
Addressing a studio audience at the Fox News facility in Palm Beach, FL Saturday night, Former President Donald J. Trump recorded an infomercial for what stands to be a profitable final eight weeks leading up to his presidential election against Democratic nominee Kamala D. Harris in November.
“I’ve got fifty all-new stunning digital trading cards — it’s really something,” Trump said on air. “These cards show me dancing and even manhandling some pussy!” The cards, while having zero intrinsic value anywhere in the known world, sell for $99 apiece and stand to garner the 45th president a pretty penny.
“Buy 15 or more of the digital cards,” Trump boasted, and he would mail the purchaser a single physical trading card. Accompanying the physical card is a swatch of the “actual suit that I wore for the presidential debate, where I clobbered Sleepy Joe.” Said Trump: “I was gonna mail a piece of the original Cross, but that’ll have to wait…”
Trump said that if buyers purchased all 50 cards, he would send out a “pair of tighty-whities complete with a presidential semen sample.” And finally, those purchasing 75 of the non-existing cards will be invited to a dinner at his country club in Florida, where they will be wined and dined on Diet Cokes and Double Cheeseburgers. McDonald’s coupons are accepted, he said.
Trump next pulled out a hardbound volume of pictures of himself, a 360-page book called “Save America.” Trump called it “A MUST HAVE on U.S. History.” The book sells for $99 without his autograph and $499 with it. The photos include shots of Trump scolding the families of “losers and suckers” at Arlington National Cemetery and wrestling with unidentified women in the backseat of his presidential limousine during his presidency.
Profits from these various ventures go not to Trump’s 2024 campaign, but to Trump himself. Other merchandise on the auction block includes $399 gilded “No Surrender” sneakers, Trump brand Bibles, gold necklaces (“Particularly popular among inner city Negroes,” touts Trump), and even a Trump brand sex manual, called “Doin’ it Like The Donald,” which comes complete with artist’s renderings of the women in Trump’s life, in compromised positions. “If they won’t take it like a woman,” crowed Trump meaningfully, “then you gotta take it like a man!”
The infomercial also sold red felt MAGGOT hats and American flags. Trump has likewise profited by increasing membership fees at such institutions as Mar-a-Lago, where the current fee is $700,000. Said Trump philosophically: “You wanna play, you gotta pay.” And they do.
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