Revised Ten Commandments Found - Diane de Anda, Humor Times

The updated Ten Commandments found were used in Trump’s Bible.

This reporter recently interviewed the publisher who printed Trump’s Bible. He revealed that the Ten Commandments found were those Trump wanted as his revision, to be printed on the opening page.

Revised Ten Commandments found in Trump Bible — Photo: Lee Greenwood, Fair use.

His staff argued for a week with Trump that it was not a good idea, but he insisted until one aide mentioned altering the traditional Bible in any way might alienate many of his evangelical followers and, thereby, lose a large percentage of the cash the sales could bring in.

The publisher, a devout man who usually publishes Bibles for Christian churches and organizations only, offered me a copy of the revised commandments to publish in our paper in hopes of removing the stain on his soul for publishing the Bible for the most unholy of motives, for political fundraising.

Trump revised the Ten Commandments by adding an addendum to each, as follows:

I am the Lord thy God, thou shalt not have other gods before me, even though I have more adoring followers at my rallies than in all his churches.
Thou shalt not take the name of the Lord in vain, except for those G___ damn Democrats.
Remember to keep holy the Sabbath Day, on the golf course, of course.
Honor thy father and thy mother’s money.
Thou shalt not kill; rile up others to do it for you.
Thou shalt not commit adultery, unless she’s a 9 or a 10.
Thou shalt not steal, unless it’s your own charity.
Thou shalt not bear false witness against thy neighbor (in others words, lie), unless they are a Democrat or any of your other enemies.
Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor’s wife, unless she has big boobs; then it’s her fault not yours.
Thou shalt not covet thy neighbors’ goods, unless you feel you deserve them more than they do.

After the publisher handed me the list, he grabbed a bar of soap that was lying on his desk and began to rigorously wash his hands in a large bowl of water atop a small desk adjacent to his.

“After I delivered the first shipment of Bibles, I suddenly developed a handwashing compulsion. My therapist thinks this act of amends will help cure it, “ he shared as he scrubbed his raw, red hands.

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Diane de Anda

Diane de Anda is a third generation Latina and retired UCLA professor. Tired of cranking out technical articles in a "publish or perish" atmosphere, she now spends most of her time writing adult fiction, children's books, parody, and satire.Her weapon of choice is the limerick, aimed with humor and a touch of malice at society's icons, celebrities, politicians, and other irritating folk.