Jenny Downer: Talk Radio Interview - Dean Kaner, Humor Times

Wherein our intrepid talk radio show host interviews Wasilla grocery store cashier Jenny Downer.

ANNOUNCER

Live from under a rock in your backyard, it’s The Jerry Duncan Show.

JERRY DUNCAN

Good morning listeners nationwide. Is it a good morning? We’ll soon find out. Today on the show my guest is Wasilla grocery store cashier Jenny Downer.

Jenny Downer — Photo: Heidi De Vries, flickr.com, CC BY 2.0.

JERRY

Hi Jenny.

JENNY DOWNER

Your mother will never speak to you again.

JERRY

Can I take that to the bank? You go girl!

JENNY

The world is going to end. I got more bad news.

JERRY

What? Trump is going to live to be 100?

JENNY

I have hemorrhoids.

JERRY

Not good. Do you know what two hemorrhoids were doing at the meat counter in the back of your store?

JENNY

No clue.

JERRY

Just hanging out.

JENNY

Ya know. It ain’t all that bad havin’ hemorrhoids. The first man in space was an assteroid.

JERRY

And here I thought I knew everything. Tell me about your job.

JENNY

Let me think.

JERRY

This is only an hour show, Einstein.

JENNY

Okay. I make sure all the items are scanned as they come down the conveyer belt. Ya know meat costs more than grapes. Cereal costs more than tomatoes.

JERRY

I figured as much.

JENNY

I’m the head cashier. The second best is Evelyn Ruggles. Poor thing. Christmas last, her boyfriend put Evelyn in a tire and rolled her down hill. Hasn’t been the same since. The other day she asked me, “If milk says 2%, what is the other 98%? I’m tired of stupid people.

JERRY

You should find a better job where you can work remote.

JENNY

You mean sittin’ on my couch watchin TV? Got plenty of experience workin’ a remote.

JERRY

Not exactly. I’m thinking a trip to Mars in a spaceship. That’s remote.

JENNY

Serious, dude?

JERRY

Absolutely. You and Mars have a lot in common. No sign of intelligent life.

JENNY

(negativity kicks in) The earth will explode from a big meteorite hitting it. Everything will be a fireball.

JERRY

Don’t be so negative.

JENNY

Tell that to my bank account, Duncan.

JERRY

Jenny Downer everyone. See you tomorrow.

The Jerry Duncan Show
(c) Dean B. Kaner

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Dean Kaner

Dean B. Kaner is a playwright and screenwriter, having co-produced and co-written plays for the stage with performances in New York City, Chicago, Minneapolis, Los Angeles, Boston, Detroit, Phoenix and Memphis. Check out The Jerry Duncan Show on YouTube, as well as on Instagram, and the sketch comedy A Bit of Biden (on Instagram) and at @abitofbiden on TikTok.