Listen in as Donald Trump, slumped & spent after Kamala wiped the floor with him, returns home looking for Melania!
DONALD TRUMP
Melania! Melania!
SILENCE
TRUMP
Melania! Damn – she didn’t even clock out!
TRUMP
Barron! Barron!
Geez – don’t jump in here like a Praying Mantis! You’re all arms & legs – nice head though!
What’s your Mom’s new phone number?
BARRON
It’s private.
TRUMP
You know son, all that hand flicking between us is just comedy schtick, right?
BARRON
Sure dad, sure.
TRUMP
Did you see what they did to me on ABC tonight?
BARRON
No, I was talking to my shrink.
TRUMP
I need a hug.
BARRON
Again?
TRUMP
I promise to wear my Lifts!
BARRON
Remember we agreed on hugs: Graduations, UFO Sightings, Cicada Season!
TRUMP
Tonight they said I lied 33 times.
BARRON
34!
TRUMP
I thought you didn’t watch!
BARRON
I didn’t – that’s the number I bet my friends you’d do. I’m a winner!
TRUMP
Hug?
BARRON
Maybe later.
I was looking at our Family Tree. Who are the Drumpf’s?
TRUMP
Distant. Distant. We go back to Adam & Eve!
BARRON
Doesn’t everybody?
TRUMP
No, just us. Have an Apple – make you tall.
BARRON
I’m already too tall.
TRUMP
That’s what Circus’ are for.
BARRON
You hurt my feelings.
TRUMP
Feelings are for Democrats – you’re a Republican aren’t you?
BARRON
Are you?
TRUMP
I don’t know any more. After tonight, I need ‘Tar & Feathers Remover’! Would you believe Kamala said ‘Putin would eat my lunch’!
BARRON
I think they’ve got your number, Pops.
TRUMP
Prison! How many years do you think I’ll get, son?
BARRON
I’m down for 6, but my friend Jeff is just too lucky these days!
TRUMP
You’re a big help! Where’s your mother – she’d know how to comfort me.
BARRON
Please, I don’t want to know.
TRUMP
Calm down, boy – she calls in Burger King!
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