Debate Spurs Phobic Episodes - Ted Holland, Humor Times

Dispatches from SNN (Slobovian News Network)

Experts say the recent presidential debate spurred episodes of “Politico-dysphemistico-phobia” throughout the nation.

According to SNN Psychophobia reporter Dr. Giselle Frontal Lobotomie, the recent Trump-Harris Presidential debate caused a violent eruption of episodes of Politico-dysphemistico-phobia across the country.

episodes of debate phobia — Cartoon by Walt Handelsman.

According to Dr. Lobotomie, Politico-dysphemistico-phobia is a deep-rooted fear and hatred of political TV ads and Programs. Light-to-moderate bouts of the disease cause people to scream at the TV screen or throw an ashtray at it. Severe cases of the disease cause a boiling rage that causes people to fire guns at the screen, take axes to televisions, attempt to bomb TV stations or attempt to assassinate politicians.

In recent incidents spurred by watching the Trump-Harris debate, Oscar Tubesteak, a mild mannered Sardine can designer in Cleveland, Ohio, took an AK-47 rifle and ran through his neighborhood shooting out over 30 TV sets before being captured by police.

In Atlanta, Texas Sister Camilla Dawn, a nun and third grade teacher, was arrested for attempting to bomb the local ABC TV affiliate with a homemade device made of gasoline, Raid bug spray and Holy Water.

In Humpback, New York, Thomas Yikes shot and killed a local political candidate after seeing 12 of his ads during the debate. Mr. Yikes was led away in shackles screaming, “Killing politicians relieves stress!”

Dr. Lobotomie says that as of now, there is no cure for Politico-dysphemistico-phobia, other than chaining sufferers to the wall, away from televisions until after elections.

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SNN Words to Live By

“Talk is the most important thing in the world.” — Miss Maybelle Cheseboro (Elizabeth Ashley), In the Heat of the Night, 1980’s TV series.

“Speculation is a waste of time.” — NFL Coach Mike Tomlin.

“Time you enjoy wasting is not wasted.” — John Lennon.

“The Earth is a high-risk neighborhood.” — Bill Moyers.

The Question of the Week

Which of the following is not a real person? (Leave your answer in the comments below.)

Elias McDaniel
Lotus Long
Jazz Chisholm Jr.
Lady Greystoke
Ada Ash
Shifty Henry

Author’s pick: I’ll tell you later.

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Ted Holland

Ted holland attended college for four years. The year that he bothered to go to class he studied history. He majored in throwing quarters in the jukebox in the Student Union canteen and minored in a girl named Marsha. His books include This Day In African American Musicand B Western Actors Encyclopedia.