Sanders: 'Nothing to Keep Harris Humble'

“Harris has nothing to keep her humble,” says Governor Sanders, “unlike me, with a face like Mrs. Potato Head.”

Addressing the student body at Central High School in Little Rock, Arkansas on Friday, Governor Sarah Huckabee Sanders told those assembled that “(Kuh – MOLL – Uh) Harris has nothing to keep her humble.”

Humble Sanders — The ever-humble Sanders. Photo: U.S. Federal Government, Public Domain.

Sanders was at CHS to dedicate the Orval Faubus Memorial Whites-Only Library, in recognition of the former governor’s efforts to combat the “Treachery of hyphenated-Americans.”

“Harris has no biological children,” cried Sanders, knotting her hands into angry fists. “Therefore, she’s got nothing to keep her humble. I, on the other hand, with a body like Gumby’s and a face like Mrs. Potato Head’s and an IQ of 60, have plenty to keep me humble.” (The audience cheered).

“Jus’ lookit (Kuh – MOLL – Uh),” Sanders went on. “She’s beautiful and sexy and smart and successful… I hate her! And you should too! (The audience applauded politely).

“An’ you see who’s supporting her, right? Democrats! Negroes! The Taliban!” (Jeers, catcalls). “She sleeps with a Jew!” (Angry rumble from the audience). “Billie Eilish! You know she’s sleeping with her perv brother! And Taylor Swift, who runs around the country, unladylike, travelling with 20 cats…”

“An’ where is Harris today? Even as we speak, she is in Springfield, Ohio, guest of honor at a cat dinner sponsored by a Haitian terrorist organization! We jus’ got about 40 days till this here fraudulent election. Git’ out there, people, an’ send a dollar to President Trump. Buy some gold tennis shoes and a Trump mugshot tee-shirt. And for God’s sake, buy another gun!”

Related News: Governor Sanders was also present to announce her signing of HB 121, which resets work rules for youth employment in Arkansas. According to a Sanders spokesperson, children as young as 7 years will now be eligible to work with sharp knives and power saws in the many slaughterhouses throughout the state. “Many of these children will never even graduate from grade school,” commented Aaron Turd, Arkansas Secretary of Labor, “and so they might as well get their feet wet with work at an early age. This ain’t no welfare state,” he added.

Author
Recent Posts

Bill Tope

Bill Tope is a retired (caseworker, cook, construction worker, nude model for art classes, and so on) who lives with his mean little cat Baby.