The Jerry Duncan Show Interviews His Nagging Mother Maggie Duncan from Heaven

Wherein our intrepid talk radio show host interviews his nagging mother via hologram in heaven.

ANNOUNCER

Live from under a rock in your backyard, it’s The Jerry Duncan Show.

JERRY DUNCAN

Good morning listeners nationwide. Is it a good morning? We’ll soon find out. Today on the show the guest is my nagging mother Maggie Duncan from a hologram in heaven.

MAGGIE DUNCAN

Make it quick, I’m on lunch hour. We’re planning a surprise party for Laurel and Hardy.

JERRY

What’s the occasion?

MAGGIE

They’re graduating from night school.

JERRY

Graduating? They’re so dumb, they thought Spotify is a stain remover.

MAGGIE

Oh, Jerry. Don’t be judgmental. Stan Laurel put M&M’s in alphabetical order. He’s a pretty smart ignoramus.

JERRY

You know all the scoops. What is the Lord’s plan for the presidential election? Is Trump going to lose?

MAGGIE

I’m not sure. But I overheard him say, “a dump flushed twice is a Trump.” Looking good for Kamala.

JERRY

What’s new with you?

MAGGIE

You won’t believe this. I’m in love with Albert Einstein.

JERRY

C’mon.

MAGGIE

We’re an item.

JERRY

Even worse.

MAGGIE

It’s true. He’s right here.

ALBERT EINSTEIN

Was machst du?

JERRY

I want to tell you how much I enjoy your bagels. It’s a well-rounded breakfast.

EINSTEIN

I’m a scientist, not the baker.

JERRY

Thanks for clarifying. Then your brother Frankeinstein is the monster.

EINSTEIN

Ya. It’s sad though. He can’t have kids.

JERRY

Why not?

EINSTEIN

Because his nuts are on his neck.

MAGGIE

Jerry. Albert bought me a beautiful bracelet. He had it engraved especially for me.

JERRY

What does it say?

MAGGIE

Do not resuscitate.

EINSTEIN

Aren’t I a genius?

JERRY

Not quite. You married your first cousin Elsa in Germany.

EINSTEIN

So what? It’s all relative.

MAGGIE

Don’t pick on him. Albert is very popular up here. He’s a DJ.

EINSTEIN

They call me MC Squared. Here’s some rap, bro.

“She got a big booty, so I call her big booty. I’m hot. You ain’t, cuz you not.”

JERRY

Brilliant. Should be in a landfill.

EINSTEIN

Danke.

JERRY

No wonder I’m always depressed. My mother Maggie Duncan and Albert Einstein. See you tomorrow everyone.

EINSTEIN

Happy New Year.

JERRY

It’s the 4th of July.

The Jerry Duncan Show
(c) Dean B. Kaner

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Dean Kaner

Dean B. Kaner is a playwright and screenwriter, having co-produced and co-written plays for the stage with performances in New York City, Chicago, Minneapolis, Los Angeles, Boston, Detroit, Phoenix and Memphis. Check out The Jerry Duncan Show on YouTube, as well as on Instagram, and the sketch comedy A Bit of Biden (on Instagram) and at @abitofbiden on TikTok.