Dispatches from SNN (Slobovian News Network)
With things well in hand, President Joe Biden is going to the beach until after the election, according to reports.
SNN leisure journalist Wendy Breeze reports that President Joe Biden is going to the beach until after the election.
Biden said he will return just in time to hand the White House keys to new president Kamala Harris. Mr. Biden said that inflation, the economy, the border, crime and wars are all on cruise control, so he’s taking some time off.
Mr. Biden said that Bidenomics has cured all of the country’s economic woes, he’s sent Israel and Ukraine all the weapons that they need, Vice President Harris has the election well in hand, and that the hit men have Trump “shuckin’ and duckin’.”
He said if anybody needs anything between now and January, they can leave a message with his wife, Dr. Jill.
Breaking Ecological News
World-famous Neoanthroethnoeccogoozakoologist states that man must become part cockroach to survive the ever warming Planet Earth.
The cockroach has survived for a billion years, through floods, fires, famines and world wars, stated Dr. Sweet Mama Doorite.
Along with SNN Meteorologist Sonny Cyclone of Scaredaschitteoutcha Weather, Dr. Doorite says that by 2042, temperatures on Earth will reach 150 degrees, higher than humans can survive.
She said that immediately, everyone on Earth should start taking vaccinations of a serum made from Cockroach Sperm Milk.
Dr. Doorite also stated that this process would lead to a new booming industry. Thousands of cockroach farms need to be built, along with cockroach milking plants, and lab chemists need to be hired to manufacture the serum. She stated that currently only the University of Skuzzebucket in Slobovia offers courses in cockroach farming and milking.
SNN Words to Live By
“Don’t knock it till you smell it.” — Gain TV ad.
“Never let anybody see you shit yourself.” — SlobboRoman Emperor Blangus Clangus, 323 BC.
“You’re lucky you got no brains to clutter up your head.” — Thelma Harper (Vicki Lawrence), Mama’s Family, 1980’s TV series.
“It’s the dead who rest in peace, not the living.” — Judge Warfield (David Wayne), Gunsmoke, TV series.
The Question of the Week
Have you ever been caught between Scylla and Charybdis?
Author’s pick: Every damn day.
Answer to Last Week’s Question
Last week, we asked: “Which of the following is not a real person?”
1. Elias McDaniel is better known as Bo Diddley.
2. Lotus Long is an actress who played Tokyo Rose in the 1945 film.
3. Jazz Chisholm Jr. Is third baseman for the NY Yankees.
5. Ada Ash was famous for wrestling bears and alligators in the 1950’s.
6. Shifty Henry was a famous bass player referred to in the Elvis hit Jailhouse Rock.
The answer: 4. Lady Greystoke was Jane in the Tarzan novels.
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