[Disclaimer: This is a satirical news piece, just for fun, read at your own risk!]

Trump: Democrats Wrecking Red States with Hurricanes

Says Democrats trying to get even with Trump supporters by wrecking red states.

Democrats are to blame for wrecking red states by directing hurricanes to devastate the southeastern region of the US, claims Donald Trump.

Hurricanes Wrecking Red States
MTG tweeted this map, alleging Democrats are “wrecking red states” by somehow directing hurricanes.

Echoing comments made by his beloved Georgia Congresswoman Marjorie Taylor Greene, Trump said Democrats “control the weather” and purposely directed the hurricanes to go to those states to get even with people who plan to vote for him in the presidential election.

Greene wrote on the social media platform X that, “Yes, they control the weather… it’s ridiculous for anyone to lie and say it can’t be done.” By “they,” Greene apparently meant Democrats, unless she was scapegoating Jews, who she previously had claimed had launched space lasers to cause forest fires in California

Greene also posted an image of Hurricane Helene on an electoral map, claiming the hurricane’s path had been intentionally set in motion by Democrats to target Republican-leaning counties in the Southeastern U.S. The Democrats had created the hurricanes to put the presidential election in their favor, Greene said, without providing any evidence for her spurious claims, as if for something so ridiculous there could be any evidence.

Trump said “you can believe everything that Congresswoman Greene says. She always tells the truth. Besides that, she’s an expert on the weather and especially what she says about the dirty rotten Democrats and the terrible things they’re doing to destroy our country. Like creating hurricanes and causing forest fires and being responsible for so many other disasters that only I can fix. Okay?”

Trump also had horrible things to say about President Joe Biden and the administration’s disaster relief agency, FEMA. Trump has falsely claimed in campaign rallies that the Biden administration is intentionally withholding aid to Hurricane Helene victims in the swing state of North Carolina, and in the Red states of Florida, South Carolina and Tennessee that he’s expected to win in the November vote.

Trump says Democratic Presidential nominee Kamala Harris is using the disaster funds as “free giveaways” to illegal immigrants, and misappropriating other funds to give to foreign countries instead of spending it on places in the U.S. ravaged by the hurricanes.

At a rally in Butler, Pennsylvania, Trump said FEMA is offering a measly $750 apiece to “people whose homes have been washed away. And yet, we send tens of billions of dollars to foreign countries that most people have never heard of.”

“The Democrats have destroyed the God-fearing citizens of our country. These poor people are only getting $750. It’s the socialist and Marxist Democrats who are responsible for ruining their lives,” charged Trump.

Harris took issue with Trump’s false charges. She said “there’s a lot of misinformation and disinformation being pushed out there by the former president about what is available, particularly to the survivors” of Hurricanes Helene and Milton. Harris said “it’s extraordinarily irresponsible” of Trump to make these charges. She added that Trump is making the issue all “about him. It’s not about you,” the victims of the hurricanes.

Political observers say that over the years, Trump has shown his insensitivity toward disaster victims, such as in 2017 when at a relief center he tossed paper towels out to a crowd of Puerto Rican hurricane survivors.

“They had these beautiful, soft towels. Very good towels,” Trump told an interviewer. The crowd of people, he said, “were screaming and they were loving everything. I was having fun; they were having fun.”

Trump claimed the media treated him unfairly when Puerto Rican officials criticized him for showing disrespect to the hurricane victims by throwing towels at them. One official, the then-Mayor of Puerto Rico’s capital of San Juan, described it as a “terrible and abominable view” that does not “embody the spirit” of America.

That official, Trump said, was a Democrat. “What else can you expect of somebody like that?” he said.

With all the wonderful things he’s done for America and the world, especially in his Make America Great Again vows, Trump said it’s no wonder that years ago, the state of Michigan gave him its Man of the Year Award.

“Michigan is a great state. I’ve gotten tremendous business to go to Michigan. Michigan is one of the reasons I ran” for President, he said.

The only problem with Trump’s Man of the Year award, which one jokester dubbed “The Lie of the Year,” is that apparently, he just invented that story. Numerous news organizations say they could find no evidence Trump won the award. Not only that, they could find no proof the award even existed.

That seemingly doesn’t matter to Trump. “It’s more fake news from the lying lamestream left-wing media to say the award doesn’t exist,” said Trump, in defending his comments. “Anyway, it’s the principle that counts when everybody knows I’m the savior of the world.”

Eric Green
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