Talk Radio: Eskimo Moon Beam - Dean Kaner, Humor Times

Wherein our intrepid talk radio show host interviews Moon Beam, an Alaskan Eskimo from Wasilla.

ANNOUNCER

From under a rock in your backyard, it’s The Jerry Duncan Show.

JERRY DUNCAN

Good morning listeners nationwide. Is it a good morning? We’ll soon find out. Today on the show my guest is Moon Beam, an Alaskan Eskimo from Wasilla.

MOON BEAM

I originally from Beverly Hills.

JERRY

(sarcastic) Right. And I’m from Mars.

MOON

That make sense, Blunken.

JERRY

It’s pronounced Duncan.

MOON

Don’t care. I focused on being shipbuilder.

JERRY

Shipbuilder?

MOON

Yeah. We have something in common… tight seal.

JERRY

Hey, Moon. You have an unusual name.

MOON

I named after uncle, who howled with wolves at moon. He write book The Eskimo Guide To Bathing In Salt Water.

JERRY

Why salt water?

MOON

Because pepper make you sneeze.

JERRY

Uncle Moon is a real brain. A lame brain!

JERRY

I’ve always wondered. How come Eskimos don’t freeze to death in winter? It’s 45 degrees below zero and your peeps live in an igloo.

MOON

Man find hot woman. Rub noses and wear lots of fur. Igloo inside 19 degrees. Up to 68 with sex.

JERRY

Wow! I’d like to have a wild Eskimo woman for the night.

MOON

Then cut out snow brick and build igloo. Make sure animal furs on bed.

JERRY

I’d make a great Eskimo. I already wear low furs.

JERRY

What happens to your igloo in the spring when snow melts?

MOON

We have party. Eat slushies.

JERRY

I noticed your nice teeth. Do you brush them every day?

MOON

I don’t. Use teeth like tool. Chew blubber, tear off caribou meat, eat fish from spear. No need for dentist.

JERRY

What if you have a cavity?

MOON

Pull tooth with string attached to pickup truck. Step on gas. Nice teeth when young. No teeth when old.

JERRY

What’s red and bad for your teeth?

MOON

Possum run over by dog sled?

JERRY

A brick.

JERRY

I’m curious. Are you married?

MOON

No. Girlfriend have cold feet. Other night, she give me cold shoulder.

JERRY

Relax, my furry friend. Think about the best four years of your life.

MOON

Okay. Third grade. Thanks, Blunken.

JERRY

It’s pronounced Duncan! Moon Beam everyone. See you tomorrow.

The Jerry Duncan Show
(c) Dean B. Kaner

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Dean Kaner

Dean B. Kaner is a playwright and screenwriter, having co-produced and co-written plays for the stage with performances in New York City, Chicago, Minneapolis, Los Angeles, Boston, Detroit, Phoenix and Memphis. Check out The Jerry Duncan Show on YouTube, as well as on Instagram, and the sketch comedy A Bit of Biden (on Instagram) and at @abitofbiden on TikTok.