Trump's Poll Numbers Are Up - Marilyn Sands, Humor Times

New poll numbers may be Trump’s Wet Dream, but there are other ‘counts’ that are funnier!

For example, check out these ‘poll numbers’:

TRUMP’S RALLY COUNT – Always, always off by 100,000!

And the rest is my little Obsessive/Compulsive problem:

SPERM COUNT – of course that would be my 1st one! haha
HEAD COUNT – 165 Million U.S. Males times 2!
ORGASM COUNT – Infinitude, Dude! And, some even without Batteries!
BODY COUNT – I don’t know. The last orgy I went to I was too busy at ‘Coat Check’ to notice!
PILL COUNT – Damn – I dated a Pharmacist once & he gave me exactly 3 kisses!
McDONALD’S HAMBURGER COUNT – I think I had the 1st one!
CALORIE COUNT – I had to get an Accountant after I found out I’m in a Higher Calorie Bracket!
SPARERIB COUNT – Chinese restaurants never give you more than 5 – no matter how many Quarters you tip!
SHRIMP COUNT – Larry David’s “Curb Your Enthusiasm” is the funniest on this subject!
SHEEP COUNT – Never works for me – I’m too busy thinking about their Dry Cleaning Bill!

CHICKEN NUGGET COUNT – Ingredients unknown, but can be tested at The Mayo Clinic!
STAR COUNT – Look down & notice you were just Pickpocked!
BLESSINGS COUNT – You can’t get enough of them!
BLOOD COUNT – Count Dracula doesn’t count!
CARD COUNT – Too much trouble! I just spill my drink & grab someone’s chips!
COOKIE COUNT – If you’re into this, you’re not eating them fast enough!
STEPS COUNT – ‘The Statue of Liberty’ BEATS ‘Eiffel Tower’ 354 to 300 steps & then a lift to the top. And, that’s where I left my Lunch!
‘LIKES’ COUNT – A measure of a man or a mouse!
FACEBOOK FRIENDS COUNT – A true measure of your acquaintances!
SNEEZE COUNT – When I watch a person having multiple sneezes I also diagnose!
1 Sneeze: DUST
2 Sneezes: PEPPER
3 Sneezes/Peed also: ‘CAT LADY’
4 Sneezes: ORGASM
5 Sneezes: YOU’RE JUST WEIRD!

And, ‘SWEAR JAR’ COUNT – Ask me after the Election!

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Marilyn Sands

Marilyn Sands is a former 80's Stand-Up Comic & Comic Booker. Sold Jokes to Joan Rivers & lesser lights. Was up one night & wrote 2 Madcap Screenplays & a Stage Play. Her hilarious book "CAN YOU PEE OUTDOORS" On-Line Dating Straight Lines is on amazon.com/dp/1733487409And, "OWNING THE STAGE, RENTING THE BALLS"!My Life as a Funny Girlis on amazon.com/dp/1733487417"Living proofyou don't have to be a success to write a Memoir"!And yes, this bio is my OBIT too!haha