Dispatches from SNN (Slobovian News Network)
Both AI candidates granted exclusive interviews, detailing their platforms.
According to SNN Political Crappe reporter Muck N. Mire, Artificial Ignorance Entity presidential candidates Hoiman and Cootchykoo are “amped up” for election day, which is right around the corner. Both candidates granted Mr. Mire an exclusive interview and used it to detail their platforms.
Artificial Ignorance entity Hoiman states that his platform will be quite conservative. He will close the Mexican border. He will be tough on crime and violence, guns will no longer work through AI methods, firearms will simply not fire. He will nationalize all police forces and any crime against an American citizen will be a Federal Crime. His human form will be Hillary Clinton, his Secretary of State will be Donald Trump and his Attorney General will be Judge Judy.
AI entity Cootchycoo still states that if he is not named President of the United States by November 5, he will shut down every mechanical and electrical machine in the world, including all computers, electrical grids, financial entities, etc., through his AI Powers.
He said that once he is named President, he will be the ultimate Progressive Democrat. For his first two years in office, everything will be free: gas, food, housing, everything. If you make less than $25 an hour, you’ll get a free thousand dollars every month. He said that he will pay for this by confiscating the bank accounts of Donald Trump, Joe Biden, Elon Musk and Thurston Howell.
SNN words to vote by
“People don’t vote for perfect people.” — Thalia Menninger, (Tuesday Weld), The Many Loves of Dobie Gillis, 1950’s TV show.
“Promise everything, deliver nothing.” — Napoleon Bonaparte.
“If you think 2020 was nasty, you ain’t seen nothing yet.” — Mark Cook, Hand Count Road Show.
“Politics is the worst disease since Syphilis.” — Slobovian Prime Minister Lord Crockington Pottley, 1679.
“Politics is a jungle, torn between doing the right thing and staying in office.” — JFK.
“What this country needs is a lot of Hi De Ho.” — Betty Boop, Betty Boop for President, 1932 cartoon.
“Whatever it is, I’m against it.” — Professor Quincy Adams Wagstaff (Groucho Marx), Horse Feathers, 1932 film.
The Question of the Week
Something a little different… test your knowledge of US veeps with The Great VP quiz!
Match the VP with the President he was paired with:
| Vice President | President |
|---|---|
| 1. Harry Truman __ | A. Lincoln |
| 2. Richard Nixon __ | B. Nixon |
| 3. Joe Biden __ | C. Eisenhower |
| 4. Aaron Burr __ | D. Washington |
| 5. Al Gore __ | E. Jackson |
| 6. Schuyler Colfax __ | F. Carter |
| 7. Andrew Johnson __ | G. Obama |
| 8. John Adams __ | H. Wilson |
| 9. Walter Mondale __ | I. FDR |
| 10. Thomas Marshall __ | J. Grant |
| 11. Spiro Agnew __ | K. Clinton |
| 12. John C. Calhoun __ | L. Jefferson |
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