Trump's Guide to Celebrity Penises - Ed O'Neill, Humor Times

“Donald Trump’s Guide to Celebrity Penises” may be one of the most important books written in the last fifty years.

When I first heard that a former president of the United States had written a book about celebrity penises, my initial reaction was, “What can be said on the topic that hasn’t already been said? Do we really need another book about genitals of the rich and famous?” Apparently we do.

Donald Trump’s Guide to Celebrity Penises may be one of the most important books written in the last fifty years. This is not just another book about rich guys junk. Trump has assembled a wealth of information on the subject and woven it into a collection of informative, hilarious, and touching stories that illustrate the life of a celebrity penis — a life not always as privileged as we might imagine.

Mr. Trump’s familiarity with his subjects cannot be questioned. The level of detail is mind-boggling, and is a testament to the author’s intimacy with the men and their balls.

The celebs are a cross section of men from sports, television, music, politics, and the business world. Most of the research took place in public showers and locker rooms. Some did not, leading to some very interesting encounters.

Find out which celebrity has the biggest unit. Or the smallest. Read about the Grammy winner with three testicles, and the soap opera star that needed reconstructive surgery to correct a botched circumcision he suffered as a child. Which Republican senator from Texas is so shy that he showers in a bathing suit? Who uses wrinkle cream on their scrotum to keep their balls smooth? The stories are priceless.

This book solidifies Trump’s place as an icon in modern American literature. J.D. Salinger, Norman Mailer, and now, Donald Trump. No matter what he does in the future, this will be his greatest contribution to the world. He has raised the curtain on celebrity penises and exposed them. We are better for this, and will be forever indebted to him.

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Ed O'Neill

Ed O'Neill is a New Jersey native that watches the world but rarely participates. He has authored several well-received product reviews on Amazon, including "Colby's Lemon-scented antibiotic bunion salve" and "Chan's zen-infused mostly natural plant food spikes". He's fluent in both English and Gibberish. He's in Little Old Lady Comedy, Robotbutt.Com, and Flexx Magazine (RIP)