[Disclaimer: This is a satirical news piece, just for fun, read at your own risk!]

Sanitation Engineers Object to Trump Trash Talk

Garbage collectors tell Trump to go take a dump after his trash talk about America.

America’s proud legion of sanitation workers have taken exception to Donald Trump’s trash talk in saying the U.S. has become “like a garbage can” and a receptacle for the world’s undocumented immigrants.

trash talk garbage truck
Sanitation workers say Trump should not trash talk America. Photo: Angelo T, CC BY-SA 3.0

“Trump can go dump himself,” said a spokesman for the sanitation labor union.

The sanitation workers said they were insulted by Trump’s insinuation that there’s something wrong with garbage, when the fact is it can be used for recycling that reduces air pollution and CO2 emissions, among many other benefits.

The sanitation workers, who also refer to themselves as sanitation engineers, waste management professionals, refuse collectors and garbage collectors, say Trump, with his privileged background, has no idea what it means to work in the trash collecting business. The grossly out of shape Trump can’t imagine that a person needs to be in tip-top physical condition to go around collecting garbage and dumping it in the back of garbage trucks.

Advocates for garbage say that people who are sick of their desk jobs where you have to get dressed up in business suits, ties, and dresses wearing uncomfortable shoes that hurt all day might prefer working with your hands. A career in collecting garbage may be the perfect job for you, they said.

As one garbage person put it, “If you don’t mind getting up at the crack of dawn, working in all kinds of weather, lifting thousands of pounds, and smelling some of the worst stuff on the planet, collecting trash may give you job satisfaction that you’ve never experienced before.”

This garbage guy added that a good sense of humor and a strong stomach might also be needed for the job — especially if you have to pick up human and animal waste from the street.

That’s where the sanitation workers’ indignation at Trump’s trash talk reaches a higher bitter level. “If you really want to get down and dirty about it, the fat turd Trump is crap himself,” say the angry trash collectors.

Garbage people say they should be praised for helping to stop criminal activity before it occurs. They point out that their early morning work hours, and access to alleys and unseen deserted places on the street make them uniquely qualified to spot suspicious activity as opposed to the police who might not have the means to do so.

Speaking of trash, right-wing comedian (is that an oxymoron?) Tony Hinchcliffe, riffing at a rally for Trump at Madison Square Garden in New York. called the U.S. territory of Puerto Rico a ‘floating island of garbage.” The comment, which drew heavy criticism from all corners, even from Trump’s fellow Republicans but not Trump himself, conjured up images of the former President tossing paper towels at Puerto Rican survivors of Hurricane Maria that devastated the island in 2017.

This is the same Trump who called Puerto Rico “dirty.” The same former president who wanted to get rid of Puerto Rico by trading the island to Denmark in exchange for the Danish-owned Greenland.

Trump reportedly said, in reference to Greenland, “look at the size of this. It’s massive. That should be part of the United States.” But Denmark refused to make the deal. Greenland’s government said it was “open for business, not for sale.” A spokesman for one of Denmark’s political parties said that if Trump was “truly contemplating this, then this is final proof that he has gone mad.”

Meanwhile, the comedian Hinchcliffe also said at the Trump rally that Black Americans “carve watermelons” for Halloween, and that Taylor Swift’s boyfriend, football star Travis Kelce, might be the next O.J. Simpson.” This apparently referred to supposed criminality by Kelce that nobody in their right mind should say just days before a U.S. presidential election regarding getting rid of a spouse or significant other.

Democratic Vice-Presidential candidate Tim Walz, in responding to Hinchcliffe’s stupid, unfunny jokes, called the comedian a ‘jackwad,” which means somebody who’s a jackass and an ignoramus. In other words, say the sanitation people, Hinchcliffe is also trash.

Not content to repeatedly call himself a “stable genius,” Trump recently phoned into a radio show where his Vice-Presidential running mate, JD Vance, was being interviewed. He asked Vance: “How brilliant is Donald J. Trump?”

Being put on the spot like that, Vance knew what he had to say: “Sir, of course, you’re very brilliant.”

Vance, who in prior years before being elected to the U.S. Senate in 2022, had publicly called Trump an “idiot” and “reprehensible” and privately had compared him to Adolf Hitler.

After how Trump likened the U.S. to a trash can, who knows, Vance might have also called the former president a piece of garbage.

The Trump as garbage analogy calls to mind what one Puerto Rican political observer who felt insulted by Trump had to say: “We know how to take the trash out, Donald Trump. Trash that has been collecting since 2016 (when Trump was first elected President), and that’s you Donald Trump.”

Eric Green
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