New owner Jeff Bezos said it would “not be prudent” to endorse, and that “democracy can effing choke in darkness, for all I care.”
Touting itself as the “World’s Funniest News Source,” the Humor Times magazine, a fixture on the national faux news and editorial cartoon scene since 1991, has declared, through new owner Jeff Bezos, that the periodical will not endorse a presidential candidate for the 2024 election cycle. This move was met with vigorous criticism from the alt-left.
“The Humor Times has endorsed for president for decades,” lamented one news source, who spoke on condition of anonymity. under the threat of being fired by the new editor.
Bezos announced the appointment of former conservative Capitol correspondent Llib Epot as editor on October 4. Epot replaces former editor and owner James Israel who, said HT reader Rep. Marjorie Taylor Greene (R. GA), “was another bad Jew.”
Also fired were writers Marilyn Sands, Eric Greene, Ralph Lombard, Ted Holland, Ed O’Neill and Jim Hightower, all the “lame, ultra-liberal cartoonists,” and more than 40 other contributors. Said new editor Epot: “The world’s funniest news source will be really funny now. None of this alt-left nonsense that clearly is not funny. We’ll spend more time talking about Sleepy Joe, Stupid Kamala and all the rest.”
Epot said there is “absolutely no truth to the rumor” that owner Jeff Bezos is scared shitless that should Donald Trump get elected after his publications endorse Kamala Harris, he’d not only lose government contracts for his space exploration company Blue Origin, but that he could be arrested and interned at one of Trump’s new detention centers.
The first issue under new ownership will appear on Nov. 4 and will feature a candid photographic spread of Democratic presidential candidate Kamala D. Harris taken at a D.C. petting zoo, where she is pictured doing “unspeakable things” with the zoo’s residents. Epot said that, “This is the sort of thing that HT readers can expect to see in the new and improved Humor Times.”
Details remain unavailable, but there are rumors that the purchase price of Humor Times was on the order of $40 million, “plus a free ride in a spaceship.”
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