Trump sugar daddy to have “significant role” in new administration, could control “discretionary” funds.
Speaking at a campaign rally in New York on Sunday, Republican presidential nominee former President Donald J. Trump announced that his newest BFF and principal Sugar Daddy Elon Musk would have a “significant role” in a second Trump Administration. And according to Musk, speaking at the same event, he would accept his new role and use it to enrich himself or as Musk put it, “butter my own buns.”
Contacted at the Four Seasons Hotel, Musk disclosed that the Trump campaign was footing the bill for Musk’s $75,000 per night stay in the penthouse suite. Musk also revealed that he was an inveterate multi-tasker, which explained the brisk landscaping business which was transpiring in the lobby of the hotel.
“Americans have got to learn to live within their means,” stormed the Tesla and Space X executive, admitting that the average citizen would need to “tighten their belt” and should expect to experience a little economic adversity.
As the interview proceeded, Musk noshed on Almas Caviar, Yubari King melons and Bluefin Tuna which, Musk boasted, cost some $34,500 Per kilogram, $27,229 for two and $3,603 per pound respectfully. He chewed loudly and with his mouth open.
Musk, who’s net worth is estimated to be as great as $270 billion, has suggested he would strip some $2 trillion from the federal budget. Interestingly, the so-called “discretionary” portion of the 2024 federal budget, which is spending excluding Military outlays, Social Security, Medicare and other compulsory programs, is just $1.6 trillion, which begs the question of just what programs are on the chopping block.
Musk was blunt: “First, we’ll cut Medicaid; get all them shiftless unemployed welfare queens off the rolls. Next, we’ll eliminate SNAP (Food Stamp) benefits, ’cause we got enough poor fat people lying around. Most of them,” he said with a chuckle, “are Puerto Rican. And third, we’ll tax the hell out of the bottom 60%.” Musk then exploded into gales of hoarse laughter, until an attendant entered the suite and administered Musk’s daily Thorazine injection.
Elon Musk is not acting in isolation. A study by Northwestern University shows that 11% of those on Forbe’s list of wealthiest persons have held or sought political office, including by appointment. When asked by a reporter if it were true that Amazon founder Jeff Bezos was in contention for the position in the Trump Administration that Musk was promised, Musk snorted and said that “Trump doesn’t abide paupers.” According to the Tesla owner, Bezos already had performed oral sex on Trump, but to no avail. Musk was then settled into a wheelchair and wheeled from the room.
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