As Trump’s most Bizarre Czar, Thomas Homan will in charge of executing Trump’s promised mass deportation of “illegals.”
President-elect former President Donald J. Trump announced on Monday the appointment of former New York cop and one-time Immigration and Customs Enforcement (ICE) Director Thomas Homan as his Border Czar. As Trump’s most Bizarre Czar, Homan will in charge of executing Trump’s promised mass deportation of “illegals,” a number estimated to be as high as eleven million. Four million illegals are children, or as Trump has said, “minor vermin.”
When confronted with this fact, Homan growled, “that don’t cut no ice with me. Illegal is illegal. Period. End of story.” The price tag for mass deportations has arisen as a point of concern, but not for Homan: “What price do you put on home security?” he asked 60 Minutes host Cecilia Vega in response to a question last Sunday of what it would cost to deport millions of immigrants.
“The cost has been estimated to run as high as $88 billion to deport just 1 million persons,” Vega pointed out. Homan remained unruffled. “Where will that money come from?” asked Vega. “Well,” replied Homan, cracking his knuckles loudly, the Affordable Care Act (ACA) costs nearly $1 trillion per year. I say, since Obamacare is on the block already, we transfer ACA funds to deport the damned aliens and then use the rest to built us a beautiful new wall.”
“Who,” asked Vega next, “would actually carry out these measures? Federal law prohibits use of the military in law enforcement.” Homan waved his hand dismissively and replied, “The president can invoke the Insurrection Act, honey, and then we’re home free. The illegals will be in the clink before the ACLU gets wind of it.” “I’m not your honey,” said Vega. “But,” she added, “critics say that the military are not trained in law enforcement. They’re trained for war.”
“This is war,” said Homan. “Our nation is being infested by caravans of vermin. They’re infecting our hallowed blood lines. I say, we instruct the military to shoot the illegals in the leg–with a large caliber weapon, preferably.” He paused for a moment, then said, “You got nice legs, honey.”
“It has been suggested that mass deportation must be preceded by mass incarceration,” Vega said. “It has been estimated that it would cost as much as $187 billion just to construct those facilities…” “We can get them cheaper,” Homan interrupted. “Elon Must has come forward with a plan to construct more than 100 Vermin Containment Facilities (VCFs) in the American Southwest. My deputy, Reichsfuhrer Stephen Miller, has got that well in hand.” Homan grinned. “Now, settle down, sweet cheeks,” he coaxed.
“Mr. Homan,” said Vega, “most illegals have no received ‘final orders of removal’ and their cases are still pending. It would be contrary to due process to deport these individuals. “I see a way around that,” said Homan. “Der Fuhrer,” he said, referring to the president-elect by Republican insiders’ name for Trump, “could invoke the Alien Enemies Act of 1798, which was successfully used to intern the Japs during WWII. And clearly, this is WWIII!”
“What about the more than $100 billion dollars in taxes and social security that illegal immigrants paid to the government in the last year?” asked the CBS host. Homan snorted. “Peanuts,” he cried. “How much is thievery, rape and other violence costing the US every day?” he asked rhetorically.
“Why do you take such a hard stance on illegals?” asked Vega. “They’re lawbreakers,” Homan said shortly. “Lawbreakers deserve to rot in prison and be sodomized and beaten by the guards and their fellow prisoners. This is just the beginning of the Trump Rule of Law Regime. Next we’ll be cracking down on jaywalkers and unpaid parking tickets and spitting on the freaking sidewalk. We ain’t playing.”
“And what about the human cost?” inquired Vega. “According to the American Immigration Council, mass deportation would threaten the well-being of those immigrants with lawful status in the US and that of even naturalized US citizens. “They should be worried,” remarked Homan tersely. “We’re coming for them. Town to town, community to community, house to house. They ain’t seen shit yet. Count on it, Ms. Vega. Vega? Is that a Hispanic name?” he asked.
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