A candid interview with Pete Hegseth, conducted by Conservative Capitol Correspondent Llib Epot.
Humor Times Correspondent Llib Epot: Good morning, Your Majesty.
DOD Secretary Nominee Pete Hegseth: Let’s not stand on ceremony, Epot. Call me Mr. Secretary.
Epot: Mr. Secretary, your nomination has been greeted with some surprise by members of the political community. One Senator called it “interesting,” while others have been more critical.
Hegseth: For example?
Epot: Well, Allison Jaslow, the chief executive of Iraq and Afghanistan Veterans of America, disagreed with your statement that women should not serve in combat roles. Jaslow said that some women could run circles around many men.
Hegseth: Gimme five minutes with Jaslow and I’ll show her circles. Men are traditionally and historically the protectors of the homeland and that includes women and children, which I consider one and the same thing.
Epot: Mr. Secretary, you have been described by some military persons — both Republican and Democrat — as a white nationalist and an extremist, who is set on purging the military of so-called woke generals who are preoccupied with diversity and inclusion.
Hegseth: So, what is your question?
Epot: Mr. Secretary, as Secretary of Defense you will be responsible for administering a force of 2.8 million men and women and operating with a budget of more than $800 billion. What senior military or administrative experience have you had?
Hegseth: I’ve lived a full life, Epot. You don’t need to be a bean counter to manage a budget. And I’ve led platoons in combat! Besides, I’m photogenic and the President likes my chiseled looks.
Epot: You wrote in your book; and I quote: “I oppose diverse recruits, pumped full of vaccines and even more poisonous ideologies.” You say that when a real conflict breaks out, “red-blooded American men will have to save their elite candy-asses.”
Hegseth: As I said, traditionally and historically, American men have guarded the hearth and home and women have borne, nurtured and raised the children. I propose to eliminate the 200,000 women — mostly lesbians and trans specimens — from our military, DEI be damned!
Epot: Good luck as the new Secretary of Defense! What is first on the order of business?
Hegseth: First, I gotta knock off a piece; have you met Tulsi Gabbard?
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