[Disclaimer: This is a satirical news piece, just for fun, read at your own risk!]

Self-Deport? Joe Biden, Hillary Clinton, Liz Cheney and More Consider Options

Almost half of the country is thinking of leaving U.S. and may self-deport.

Undocumented immigrants aren’t the only ones who may self-deport, as thousands consider leaving the country before Donald Trump’s inauguration as president on January 20, 2025.

Americans self-deport
Americans beginning to self-deport.

Impeccable news outlets report that President Joe Biden, Vice-President Kamala Harris, Hillary Clinton, Liz Cheney, Michael Cohen and many others high on Trump’s “Deep State enemies list” are thinking of relocating out of the U.S. before Trump tries to throw them all in jail, or worse. Even the editor of this publication is rumored to have one foot out the door.

Biden is said to be considering moving to Ireland where his family has ancestral roots, in an action called “self-deportation.” That’s where he leaves on his own imitative before Trump orders federal immigration authorities to have him arrested and imprisoned before they kick him out of the country. That is, if Trump first tries to have him executed. Biden’s son Hunter and even his wife Jill might also be on Trump’s deportation list.

Biden told staffers at the White House that Ireland would be a good fit for him. “Man, my dear old dad always said to me, ‘Joey, we Bidens may be full of blarney and malarkey. But we are Irish to the bone. We come from the Blewitt and Finnegan families, God rest their souls.’”

When he visited Ireland in April 2023, Biden quoted an old Irish proverb that said, “Your feet will bring you where your heart is.” So Biden may be returning to where his heart says he belongs, forsaking a country about to be ruled by a self-aggrandizing egomaniac.

Newsweek reports that a new study by a United Kingdom-based group called the Immigration Advice Service says that nearly half of the residents of Los Angeles are considering leaving the country as a consequence of Trump winning the presidency. Some 35 percent of New Yorkers said the same, while roughly one in four Americans are thinking about moving abroad, according to the study which calls the desire to emigrate “The Donald Dash.”

Meanwhile, Trump’s hard heart demands he get “retribution” with Biden and his “crime family” for supposedly having him tried and convicted on 34 felony counts for falsifying business records.

Biden says he had nothing to do with that prosecution, or three other indictments against Trump for illegal activities. But Trump said it doesn’t matter what Biden says. Trump will get even with him for supposedly making life hard for him. If execution becomes unsustainable, Trump will put Biden on a chain gang breaking rocks. If they’re still in the country after he takes office, Trump may also put Bill and Hillary Clinton, along with Stormy Daniels, on that same chain gang.

Other high-profile individuals said to want to relocate from America before it’s too late include Judge Juan Merchan who oversaw Trump’s criminal trial in New York, Barack and Michelle Obama, Nancy Pelosi, New York Attorney General Letitia James, Fulton County, Georgia District Attorney Fani Willis, Special Counsel Jack Smith, Former Chair of the Joint Chiefs of Staff Mark Milley, former FBI Director James Comey, and Facebook founder Mark Zuckerberg. Rumors are also flying that the editor and writers for the Humor Times want to get out of Dodge while the going is good.

The country’s reported 10-15 million undocumented aliens may want to self-deport fast after hearing Trump’s threats to create mass deportation camps that would be built on open land in Texas near the Mexican border.

The camps should have the capacity to house as many as 70,000 people at a time, said Stephen Miller, Trump’s hatchet man on immigration. Miller said the immigrants would be put on daily flights out of the camps to all corners of the world. He foreshadowed that the undertaking would be “greater than any national infrastructure project” in American history.

Trump’s immigration action would be modeled on former President Dwight D. Eisenhower’s administration which in 1954 began a massive deportation program to send undocumented migrants to Mexico. That program was described by critics as a “shameful chapter” in American history. But Trump had the opposite opinion in his never-ending quest to get rid of every immigrant that ever lived and breathed, saying “some people think it was a very effective chapter.”

One former U.S. Homeland Security official said that under Trump’s new immigration plan, “the nightmare becomes obvious. Expect to see families behind barbed wire in overcrowded camps, desperate U.S.-citizen children looking for missing immigrant parents, and U.S. citizens swept up in immigration raids.”

If following the law to a tee, those people caught up in the deportation raids should possibly include Elon Musk where news reports said he apparently broke the law in the 1990s when as an immigrant originally from South Africa he worked illegally in the United States.

Boiling it down to its most basic terms, Musk was supposedly in the U.S. on a student visa but never enrolled at a university, which meant under the law he had no right to work in the U.S. and would have to leave the country. But of course, as things played out, Musk, considered the world’s wealthiest person, didn’t leave. And now he’s being called “Trump’s First Buddy.”

Trump termed these news reports about Musk’s possible criminality “fake news. Elon Musk donated millions of dollars to my presidential campaign. You think I’d be dumb enough to kick him out? If anything, I’m throwing out those lying lamestream reporters who are all the enemies from within. Okay?”

And with that, Trump got on his Truth Social media platform to again denounce “Lying Joe Biden and Crooked Hillary Rotten Clinton,” pledging to deport them from the country “along with the rest of those Communist Democrat traitorous scum.”

Eric Green
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