From the I Told You So Department

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MAGA’ers getting close-up look at shitshow they put into office. What can I say, I told you so!

What can I say, except “I told you so!” It took the newly-elected president no time at all to set forth his agenda through his top cabinet and sub-cabinet choices, all of which are Kool-Aid drinking devotees who see this as a chance to buy an appointment or just really mess with liberal America’s head.

I told you so
Photo: Gage Skidmore, Wikimedia Commons.

However, before we go into more detail on that, we have received word that Trump has plans to award himself the Congressional Medal of Freedom retroactively before taking office. He feels it is the least he can do to assuage his bruised ego and to say to the Country, “Thanks. No hard feelings?”

Trump then went on to state that on day one in office, he is going to rescind all the Congressional Medals of Freedom awarded by previous Presidents, and “re-gift” them to his most loyal billionaires, who will most likely melt them down for the gold.

Speaking of gold, Trump has named an oil-industry executive to head the Energy Department, and plans on immediately signing an Executive Order to have his Secretaries of the Departments of Energy and the Interior begin seizing the oil and mineral rights of every home and land owner in the nation. “Who knows? We may even go after your gas stoves,” said Trump, who stands by this decision, stating, ”Every American in this country has a duty to make sure we have all the energy we need for whatever the hell we use energy for.”

Speaking of energy, Trump’s pick for top DHS job is Gov. Kristi Noem. She will head up ICE and be responsible in part for helping design the oh-so-popular mass deportation and dismantling of the immigration programs now in place. As an inside joke, Trump has also given Noem a sub-cabinet position in the Animal Control and Enforcement Department.

“When I heard the dead dog story Noem told in her memoirs, I thought, “wouldn’t it be hilarious if I gave her the title of National Dogcatcher in ACE? ICE and ACE…she could kill two dogs with one stone, literally.”

And finally, Stephen Miller, who is happy plotting his destruction of America in the shadows like a grotesque little hobbit hiding in the pantry behind the Aunt Jemima syrup (we’re guessing), was named deputy chief of policy for his obsessive stance on mass deportation. Rumors surrounding this appointment are that he has been given the code name “Snowy White.” There are jokes circulating about what he will call his functionaries. More than likely, the program he heads will be dubbed “Snowy White and the 7 Horsemen.”

Once we receive updates on who is up for confirmation and whether they can afford the legal fees associated with scrubbing their records clean before inauguration, we’ll catch you up on the latest. In the meantime, crack open a box ‘o wine and curl up to a good read of Project 2025, cause that right there is some righteously creepy made-up shit. But pace yourself, because the shitshow has only just begun, and it looks like no one has a clue on how to shut it down anytime soon…fire and brimstone comes to mind.

I told you so.

P. Beckert
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