DOGE Powwow Held with GOP Caucus - Bill Tope, Humor Times

Elon Musk and Vivek Ramaswamy held a DOGE brainstorming session with the House GOP Caucus.

Mega-rich industrialist Elon Musk (SpaceX, Tesla) and fellow billionaire and sex-toy manufacturer Vivek Ramaswamy met with congressional movers and shakers on Capitol Hill on Thursday in a DOGE “brainstorming” session hosted by House Speaker Mike Johnson (R. LA).

DOGE meeting — Photo: Office of Speaker Mike Johnson, Public Domain.

Johnson was quick to acknowledge that “anything in Elon Musk’s brain qualifies as a storm.” Musk and Ramaswamy have been named by President-elect former President Donald J. Trump to head up a new ad hoc executive committee, the Department of Government Efficiency (DOGE).

A number of salient points were made by the new Billionaires Boys’ Club, among them that legislators must be willing to go along to get along. According to one confidential source, uncooperative congressional members will be primaried, or as he put it, “those unwilling to get on board will get a board upside their head.”

Another point made was the need to combat the entrenched bureaucratic structure of what Ramaswamy has denounced as “the fourth unelected branch of government.” As Ramaswamy said at the meeting, “There are only two legitimate branches of government: the executive and DOGE.”

DOGE is a strictly advisory entity and will consist of up to 12 employees (all billionaires) who will target government “waste and fraud.” They have set a deadline of July 4, 2026, shortly before Trump’s 80th birthday.

Musk has promised to carry a sink into Mar-a-Lago to mark the occasion.

Mr. Musk gained prominence in Trump’s circle after his America PAC contributed more than $152 million to Republican campaigns this year. Ramaswamy was a contributor too and donated $500,000 in sex toys to federal and state Republican operatives.

Accusations of conflict of interest between DOGE’s stated objectives and Muck and Ramaswamy’s actions have arisen. Musk has been critical of a $6.6 billion loan to Rivian, a maker of electric cars. Musk has called for elimination of tax credits for the EV industry, since they benefit his competitors. Ramaswamy likewise has asked the government to curtail funds for development of “energy efficient” dildos and inflatable women. Playing to his base, Musk added that ending clean-energy funding would likewise be inimical to the climate.

Before the meeting convened, Musk could be seen striding through the halls of Congress with his 4-year-pld son, X, perched on his shoulders. When asked, Musk admitted that the extraordinarily well-behaved boy was in fact an AI droid. Rep. Dusty Johnson (R. SD) was a little giddy following the session and remarked philosophically that “you campaign in poetry, and you govern in prose.” Rep. Marjorie Taylor Greene went Johnson one better, saying that “You campaign in Esperanto and govern in pig-Latin.”

Two agreed upon ideas emerged from the meeting: first, the government should curtail telework for federal employees and secondly, the government should “consolidate its real estate holdings and sell the vacant buildings.” Musk said they would work a special deal to peddle the property to the new president at fire-sale prices in order to construct high-end housing. “He’s the boss,” said Musk, mugging for the cameras, “and we gotta give him a break!”

Musk and Ramaswamy said they were interested in pursuing through the courts the extent of the president’s power to “impound” money approved by Congress. Musk added warmly that it is by this means that they hope to starve approved projects like Veterans’s Healthcare, Head Start, Food Stamps and other “socialist programs.”

“The problem with healthcare and nutrition assistance programs,” declared Musk, “is that they prolong life, and it’s the increased life expectancy during the last hundred years that is “exacting a terrible toll” on the taxpayer, the entrepreneur and the billionaire.

Ramaswamy was quoted as saying that he hopes to slash the federal work force by as much as 75%. When asked by reporters what career path these discharged employees might pursue, Ramaswamy said that new head of OPM Steve Bannon is anticipating hiring as many as 50,000 Storm Troopers to assist in the pursuit, arrest and deportation of illegals. “You see,” said Ramaswamy, “we can work together; it’s all good.”

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Bill Tope

Bill Tope is a retired (caseworker, cook, construction worker, nude model for art classes, and so on) who lives with his mean little cat Baby.