Trump Tags Dick Tracy to Lead FBI - Ted Holland, Humor Times

Dispatches from SNN (Slobovian News Network)

“Dick Tracy is the world’s greatest cop,” says President-elect Donald Trump.

According to President-elect Donald Trump, “Dick Tracy is the world’s greatest cop” and should lead the FBI.

“Dick has been fighting crime since 1931. In his illustrious career, Mr. Tracy battled and rid America’s streets of such public enemies as Flattop and Flattop Junior, BB Eyes, Breathless Mahoney, 88 Keys, the Purple Cross Gang, The Blank, Trigger Doom and Pruneface!

“He is the man to change the FBI from a political weapon back to a crime-fighting juggernaut,” said Trump.

Detective Dick Tracy stated that he will make famed crime fighter Fearless Fosdick Deputy FBI Director.

Breaking News

Republic of Schnoodvakia Becomes First to Legalize Aggravation Tax

According to SNN travel reporter Gitte Oughta Dodge, the next time you’re in the Republic of Schnoodvakia and you complain to your waiter that your bowl of Fumpel is cold, you could be hit with the Republic’s new 123 percent Aggravation tax.

Schnoodvakia has also legalized Inconvenience Tax, Pain in the Ass Tax, Empty Promise Tax and the Pain and Suffering Tax.

Schnoodvakia literally translated into English means “Help, my ass is on fire!”

SNN Words to Live By

“You broke your neck… so what?” — Pro Wrestler Kofi Kingston.

“I fought the law and the law won.” — Bobby Fuller, “I Fought the Law,” 1960’s song.

“You can’t outrun the long arm of the law.” — Dick Tracy.

The Question

If you were the Prez, who would you pardon?

Author’s pick: The Snake in the Garden of Eden.

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Ted Holland

Ted holland attended college for four years. The year that he bothered to go to class he studied history. He majored in throwing quarters in the jukebox in the Student Union canteen and minored in a girl named Marsha. His books include This Day In African American Musicand B Western Actors Encyclopedia.