Wizard of Oz Cast Members Interview - Dean Kaner, Humor Times

Wherein our intrepid talk radio show host interviews cast members from The Wizard of Oz.

ANNOUNCER

Live from under a rock in your backyard, it’s The Jerry Duncan Show.

JERRY DUNCAN

Is it a good morning? Yes. We’re coming to you from Wichita, Kansas. My guest is Dorothy Mary Trump from The Wizard of Oz.

The Wizard of Oz movie poster — From MGM movie poster, Public Domain.

DOROTHY MARY TRUMP

It’s not a good morning. I’m depressed.

JERRY

Why?

DOROTHY

Auntie Em and Uncle Henry told me my Uncle Donald is going to be the president again. Donald is a danger to society. And he hates me for writing a book about our dysfunctional family.

JERRY

That’s the least of your problems. I have some bad news from home.

DOROTHY

What? Are Auntie Em and Uncle Henry selling Amway?!

JERRY

No. The governor’s mansion in Kansas burned down. Almost took out the whole trailer park.

DOROTHY

Geez. Now the dogs and their owners will have to pee on the same tree when they go for a walk.

JERRY

I heard of this place called Oz, where a wizard can cure your anxiety. I know a scarecrow who can help. Here’s his business card.

DOROTHY

(reads card)

Wow. He lives right here in Kansas.

JERRY

Yep. Only one problem. The scarecrow doesn’t have a brain.

DOROTHY

Obviously. There’s no contact information.

JERRY

Just follow the yellow brick road. You’ll find him.

Dorothy eases down the yellow brick road. Sees the Scarecrow tied to a fence.

SCARECROW RFK JR

Who are you, lady?

DOROTHY

My name is Dorothy Trump. I’m on my way to see the Wizard of Oz.

SCARECROW

Are you related to the insane president-elect?

DOROTHY

Sadly, I am. But I don’t like him either.

SCARECROW

A bunch of Trumpsters tied me to the fence. I don’t have a brain, and there’s a worm in my head. Please cut me loose. I’m down to the last straw.

DOROTHY

Then come with me to Oz. The Wizard will give you a brain.

A loud voice is heard.

JERRY

I’m tracking you guys with GPS.

SCARECROW

It’s Jerry Duncan. I know the guy.

JERRY

Hi Scarecrow. Follow Dorothy.

SCARECROW

This is mind-boggling.

JERRY

You don’t have a mind, stupid.

SCARECROW

I forgot what I can’t remember.

Dorothy cuts the Scarecrow loose and they head down the yellow brick road.

DOROTHY

Oh, look. A tin man.

TIN MAN STEPHEN MILLER

Please oil me, Scarecrow.

SCARECROW

Sorry. I’m a straight guy.

DOROTHY

Hold it right there, buster! I recognize you. Aren’t you the guy who said mean things about munchkins? You wanted to deport them.

TIN MAN

I’ve changed. I’m now sympathetic to their plight. The other day, I was staring at the road when I saw a man pickpocket a munchkin. I don’t know how anyone could stoop so low.

JERRY

Can you hear me, tinsel teeth?

TIN MAN

Yes.

JERRY

Follow the yellow brick road with Dorothy. The Wizard of Oz will give you a heart.

TIN MAN

Can he take out my tonsils while he’s at it?

JERRY

If you agree not to be an anti-vaxxer like the Scarecrow. The Wizard hates whack jobs.

Dorothy oils the Tin Man. The three of them head down the road.

DOROTHY

Holy shit, a lion!

SCARECROW

I’m bookin, baby!

TIN MAN

Me, too! You’re on your own, Dorothy.

The lion is crying.

DOROTHY

I’m not scared of you, pussycat.

COWARDLY LION LINDSEY GRAHAM

I know. Nobody is. I need courage.

DOROTHY

My name is Dorothy. Come with me to see the Wizard of Oz. He’ll help you.

COWARDLY LION

What happened to your two buddies?

DOROTHY

They’re cowards. You’re the only one with real courage. After all, you wear a dress.

COWARDLY LION

Wow. Thanks for the confidence. Now I can stand up to the Wizard of Oz if things go south.

DOROTHY

Absolutely.

COWARDLY LION

I know this is presumptuous, but can I borrow your ruby slippers? They would go good with my evening gown.

A loud voice is heard.

JERRY

You have a problem. Dorothy. The Wizard of Oz eloped with Glinda the Good Witch to Vegas. He closed Oz for good. See you tomorrow everyone.

The Comedy Zone

Massachusetts Senator Elizabeth Warren can’t decide if Maine Senator Susan Collins has a small head and a big nose, or a big head and a small nose. It’s been bothering her, so she’s calling for a Senate hearing on the matter.

The Jerry Duncan Show
(c) Dean B. Kaner

Author
Recent Posts

Dean Kaner

Dean B. Kaner is a playwright and screenwriter, having co-produced and co-written plays for the stage with performances in New York City, Chicago, Minneapolis, Los Angeles, Boston, Detroit, Phoenix and Memphis. Check out The Jerry Duncan Show on YouTube, as well as on Instagram, and the sketch comedy A Bit of Biden (on Instagram) and at @abitofbiden on TikTok.