The President-elect says he will order Mexico and Canada to make English their official language, “or else.”
Now that Donald Trump says Mexico and Canada should be U.S. states, he says he will order both to make English their official language. Mexicans must now only speak English to the exclusion of their native Spanish. Also, Trump says, Canadians will no longer be allowed to speak French.
“Anyone caught speaking Spanish in Mexico will be prosecuted and upon conviction sent to a penal colony near the North Pole,” Trump declared.
The same fate will apply to Canadians, particularly in the cities of Montreal and Quebec where French is presently the official language. From now on, threatened Trump, Mexicans and Canadians “better speak American because it’s my way or the highway.”
Trump said he will set up reeducation boot camps in Mexico for its residents to be taught English. Those who can’t seem to master the language will be screamed at repeatedly in English until they finally catch on. But if that still doesn’t work, said Trump, they will be penalized by being forced to watch reruns of the old television show, The Cisco Kid, where for some reason the Mexicans Cisco and his sidekick Pancho spoke English to each other, even though they were both native Spanish speakers.
It’s interesting to note that Pancho’s horse was named Loco, while Diablo was the name of Cisco’s horse. Under Trump’s new order about only speaking English, the two horses would now have to be called Crazy and Devil. Of course, those two Mexican guys might disdainfully call Trump (in Spanish of course so Trump won’t understand them) Culo de caballo (a horse’s ass).
Trump said that it wouldn’t bother him so much like it does now if the migrants illegally crossing the border into the U.S. from Mexico could speak English. “That’ll all change when I have Mexico, and maybe all the rest of Latin America too, become English-speaking,” said Trump. “At least now, when the illegals cross into the U.S., they’ll already be speaking American.”
As for those non-English speaking migrants who illegally enter the U.S. and are natives from elsewhere around the world, Trump said it won’t matter that they don’t speak English.
“I’ll have them deported so fast they won’t know what happened to them,” vowed Trump. “It might get lost in translation, but they’ll soon understand what happened when they’re back in their hellhole slum country eating hummus or some such goulash and washing dishes at a hotel somewhere if they even have a job.”
As a self-declared “brilliant student of history,” said Trump, what annoys him most about Canadians speaking French is that they’re not speaking English. He claimed that English is the language that anybody who lives in North America should be speaking since that’s what Englishmen spoke when they conquered Canada.
“If I hear one more time a Canadian say bonjour monsieur, touché, c’est la vie, or sing that stupid song Voulez-vous Coucher Avec Moi, you know what will happen to them? I’ll voulez-vous them to the federal penitentiary at Leavenworth.”
Trump has contended that Mexico and Canada should become U.S. states if they want to continue receiving subsidies from their neighboring country, the United States.
The new President-elect claimed that the U.S. is subsidizing Canada “to the tune of over $100 billion a year. We’re subsidizing Mexico for almost $300 billion. We shouldn’t be–why are we subsidizing these countries? If we’re going to subsidize them, let them become a U.S. state.” Economists say Trump’s figures are gross exaggerations and distort the reality of the situation.
Trump has threatened to impose a 25 percent tariff on imports from Canada and Mexico unless the countries reduce the flow of migrants and drugs into the U.S.
Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau reportedly told the president-elect that his tariff plans would devastate Canada’s economy. In response, Trump said “maybe Canada should become the 51st state.”
Trudeau dismissed Trump’s statement as “preposterous,” while former Mexican President Andrés Manuel López Obrador called it “an insult to our sovereignty. Trump is loco.”
Trump has referred to Trudeau as the “governor” of the “Great State of Canada.” Trump claims what he said about Trudeau was a joke. But as Michael Cohen, Trump’s bitter enemy and former hatchet man said about him, Trump “doesn’t have a sense of humor. He doesn’t laugh or tell jokes. He means it when he says it.” Just like Trump wasn’t kidding, said Cohen, when the Trumpster maintained he could “shoot somebody on Fifth Avenue (in New York City) and get away with it.”
Not surprisingly, Trump hates hearing Spanish spoken by restaurant workers or at other public places on the rare occasions he deigns to mingle with the common folk.
In that regard, Trump said English should be the official language of the U.S. He previously said that “when you get right down to it, we’re a nation that speaks English. I think that, while we’re in this nation, we should be speaking English.”
He also wants to get rid of bilingual education in the schools, replacing it with something he calls a new “patriotic education curriculum.” The U.S. Dept. of Education will direct this new curriculum, Trump said. That is, until he follows through on his pledge to abolish that department and replace it with a statue of himself on the grounds of where that agency’s headquarters was located in Washington, D.C.
“And don’t worry. I’ll get rid of every bilingual sign in America that’s in Spanish. It’ll be English and only English, I can promise you that,” promised Trump. “Anybody who objects, all I can say is to repeat that line from the movie Terminator 2, ‘hasta la vista, baby.’ It’ll be adios and judgment day for you too.”
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