Santa Claus with Donald Trump: Radio - Dean Kaner, Humor Times

Wherein our intrepid talk radio show host interviews Santa Claus with Donald Trump.

ANNOUNCER

Live from under a rock in your backyard, it’s The Jerry Duncan Show.

JERRY DUNCAN

Good morning listeners nationwide. Is it a good morning? We’ll soon find out. Today on the show my guests are Santa Claus with Donald Trump.

SANTA CLAUS

Trump is fatter than me. Ho ho ho.

DONALD TRUMP

Santa. I hope you get stuck in a chimney on Christmas Eve.

SANTA

Trumpster. Do you know the difference between a Christmas tree and you?

TRUMP

I haven’t a clue, belly chuckler.

SANTA

A Christmas tree stays up for 12 nights, has cute balls, and looks good with lights on.

TRUMP

You phony. I know behind that beard you’re really Chris Christie.

SANTA

“Fat chance.”

JERRY

Enough already. Let’s get down to business. Millions of people are waiting for presents on Christmas Eve.

SANTA

I know. The elves are very busy at the North Pole getting things made. And this year, we stocked up on coal to put in the stockings of anyone who voted for Trump. We’ll save lots of money.

JERRY

President Trump. There’s a crisis in the Middle East. Syria was recently conquered by rebels. What should the United States do?

TRUMP

Build a Trump Tower in Damascus. It will be the “windiest” building in the Middle East. I was inspired by the cartoon Aladdin when I formed my foreign policy. Do you know it’s only a 3-hour magic carpet ride from Afghanistan to Iran?

JERRY

Interesting.

TRUMP

Yeah. That’s how I learned about the Axis of Evil.

JERRY

North Korea, Russia, China and Iran. Right?

TRUMP

No. Rudy Giuliani, Steve Bannon, Elon Musk and Tucker Carlson.

TRUMP

Hey, Santa. Will you at least give my son Barron a Christmas present? The kid turned 18.

SANTA

You mean a ho, ho, ho.

TRUMP

Yes. As an Oval Office housewarming gift, how about one for me while you’re at it?

SANTA

Sorry. You’re on the no hooker fly list.

JERRY

Santa. With all that coal plus presents, how will your sleigh hold up?

SANTA.

It won’t, so I hired Amazon to do the job. I’m off to my time share in Miami for the winter.

JERRY

President-elect Donald Trump and Santa Claus.

The Comedy Zone

Melania Trump’s favorite vegetable is her husband.

The Jerry Duncan Show
(c) Dean B. Kaner

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Dean Kaner

Dean B. Kaner is a playwright and screenwriter, having co-produced and co-written plays for the stage with performances in New York City, Chicago, Minneapolis, Los Angeles, Boston, Detroit, Phoenix and Memphis. Check out The Jerry Duncan Show on YouTube, as well as on Instagram, and the sketch comedy A Bit of Biden (on Instagram) and at @abitofbiden on TikTok.