New games are “flying off the virtual shelves,” says Elon Musk of “Trumprisk” and “Trumpopoly.”
President-elect and former president Donald J. Trump, in cahoots with mega-rich-guy Elon Musk (Tesla, SpaceX, Trojan Condoms), has contracted with the Hasbro toy company to secure marketing rights to their Risk and Monopoly board games.
Risk, marketed in the U.S. since 1959, is a game of international intrigue and geopolitical conquest. Monopoly, on the American scene since 1935, is the iconic real estate-based game of abject greed. Trump claims to know more about board games than anyone in history. Okay?
Evolution of the Original Games: There have been myriad rule changes and revised editions of Risk and Monopoly over the years: a Castle Risk, in which the players control and defend castles; Risk Edition: Napoleon, where each player has naval squadrons, field marshals and fortresses; Risk 2210 AD, which features lunar-based forces; even a Star Wars and a Lord of the Rings version. Monopoly has seen its share of special editions as well, including versions tailored to every major city in the world. Trump Marketing Director Steven Cheong said that a Mar-a-Lago “Trumpopoly” game is in the works.
In Trump’s version of Risk — Trumprisk — North America has been renamed Trumpland and expanded to include Greenland as well as the former Canadian provinces of Alberta, NW Territory, Ontario and Quebec as the 51st through the 55th U.S. states respectively. Additionally, Puerto Rico, when held by a player, may be exchanged for Greenland without notice. However, alliances between Western territories are not allowed.
Other Changes: The continent of Africa has been rechristened “Shitholia. Asia has likewise been renamed Russia and this includes the former territories of Poland, Ukraine and any other countries on the border of an ever-expanding Russia. Armies, designated by cubes of various colors, are for Trumpland a deep red; all other armies are blue or pink or rainbow color, to reflect the Democrat or female or trans composition of the native troops.
Short Game Rules for Trumprisk and Trumpopoly: for the former game, players merely hand over all territories to whomever controls Russia. And for the latter, anyone who lands on Atlantic Avenue must purchase a casino from the banker, after which they immediately go into bankruptcy, thus concluding the game for that player.
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