Our Conservative Capitol Correspondent interviews Tom Homan, former ICE director who Trump has nominated as ‘border czar.’
By Conservative Capitol Correspondent Llib Epot
Conservative Capitol Correspondent Llib Epot: Congratulations, Mr. Tom Homan, on your promotion to Gauleiter!
Gauleiter Border Czar Tom Homan: Gauleiter is not dependent upon promotion, Epot. It is a direct appointment from the Fuhrer.
Epot: Vergib mir, Herr Homan.
Homan (waves his hand): That’s alright. But, don’t let it happen again.
Epot: Gauleiter, unaccompanied minors are by law turned over to the Office of Refugee Resettlement (ORR) at the Department of Health and Human Services. This organization provides sponsors and takes custody of the minors. How exactly will that work?
Homan: It will depend on the needs of the country–our country, not the damn Mexicans. Some will be farmed out for labor in the agri-business industry, picking cabbages and what not. Others will enter into the sex trades, which stands to be profitable for both ICE and the Trump Administration. Former Rep. Matt Gaetz (R. FL) is presently being looked at as a top official for ORR. (Homan snickers).
Epot: Fascinating! And what do you foresee in terms of workplace raids to take illegals into custody?
Homan: Workplace raids were wildly successful under the Trump Administration. We raided a pumpkin farm in N. Carolina during my tenure, and in 30 minutes we harvested more illegals than they did gourds all week. (Rubs his hands vigorously together).
Epot: One final question, Gauleiter: the “Remain in Mexico” policy for asylum seekers–is it a go?”
Homan: It’s a go, Epot. Those prospective asylum seekers will be required to remain in a Vermin Containment Facility (VCF) situated in the leper colony in Tunkas in Yucatán. We only want to consider those candidates who are deadly serious about asylum.
Epot: Gauleiter, in a leper colony? Don’t you…
Homan: You had your final question, pencil-neck. Don’t make me put you on a list!
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