Trump plans to discard long-accepted federal holidays, supplanting them with those of his own choosing.
With one stroke of his presidential pen, soon-to-be President Donald J. Trump will completely discard the long-accepted federal holidays and supplant them with a slate of national observances of his own making.
Trump appeared on Fox News with host Sean Hannity on Monday and spoke at length on the already-controversial issue of new holidays.
“The first thing I’m gonna do,” bellowed Trump, “is to get rid of Martin Luther King’s Birthday.” Trump explained that the U.S. couldn’t show favoritism to one religion over another. “And as you know,” said Trump, “Martin Luther was a Lutheran. I mean, it’s wonderful that he brought about the Protestant Reformation and got us away from Sleepy Joe Biden’s Catholic enclave.”
When Hannity asked where he got his information on Dr. King, Trump replied knowingly that he “took a class in comparative religions at Penn. Hell, I even went to class once or twice. You gotta’ be real brainy to graduate from Wharton,” he said. He added that “Martin Luthor wasn’t a king at all; he was a freakin’ priest!” Said Trump: “I know more about religion than anyone; in fact, I wrote the Bible.”
When asked what else he had in mind for federal holidays, the ex- and future-president replied that Presidents’ Day, celebrated this year on Feb. 17, will be expanded to a full week, to honor chief executives who haven’t gotten their due up until now. When Hannity inquired whom he had in mind, Trump replied that he was eager to honor Andrew Jackson (responsible for the partial extermination of the native American population) and Andrew Johnson (racist successor to Abraham Lincoln) and Donald J. Trump (convicted on 34 felonies and counting).
However, Trump dismissed the idea of continuing to honor Abraham Lincoln. “Lincoln was overrated,” said Trump. “He coulda’ settled the Civil War, had he not listened to the Black Lives Matter gang and the reverse racists like Frederick Douglass.” Trump shook his head. “It’s sad,” he said. Trump also intends to shift Presidents’ Day from the third Monday of February to June 14, to coincide with his own birthday.
Trump recommended altogether eliminating both Memorial Day (May 29) and Veteran’s Day (Nov. 11) because, he said, “we can’t be wasting our time on suckers and losers. I mean, that’s like honoring the stupid people who lose all their money in the casinos.”
Trump also favors striking out Labor Day (Sept. 1) as a pagan holiday “for the miserable little people and their miserable lives.” Trump said that Columbus Day Oct. 13, would also be retired, as it “is unnecessary to have a federal holiday just to honor one city in Ohio.” Trump said he’d allow Christmas and Thanksgiving to remain on the books. However, he added that after he’s president, “there’ll be no more damn turkey pardons, unless you count Hunter Biden,” and he laughed and gobbled.
When Hannity asked the president-elect what he had in store for Juneteenth Independence Day (June 19), Trump snorted and said, “Next question?” And when asked if he had any plans for Independence Day, Trump said he was determined that Independence Day continue to be observed, but with a caveat: that it be switched from July 4 to Jan. 6, to “honor the patriots who served their country and their president above and beyond the call of duty.”
Trump said he has big plans for celebration of the first Independence Day of his administration. Trump said that in addition to a massive military parade, complete with thousand of goosestepping Brown Shirts, an elaborate decorative scaffold will be erected on the National Mall and the Jan. 6 convicts (whom he will pardon on Day One) will join in a chorus of “Hang Mike Pence!” A good time, promised Trump, will be had by all.
Also on Day One
Trump has promised, through executive action, to completely end not only reproductive rights, but healthcare for women and girls “in its entirety.” He also said that he will institute Nov. 17 as a national holiday. This date commemorates the founding of the National Rifle Association in New York in 1871. “The NRA,” declared Trump, “has done a bang up job” of securing Americans’ Second Amendment rights.
Trump revealed that this holiday will go hand in hand with SCOTUS’s promised legalization of civilian-grade machine guns, bazookas, 94mm howitzers and improvised explosive devices (IEDs). Trump said he also favors mass distribution of the AR-15 “Classroom-Sweeper” assault-style weapons which are already availabe on Trumpstore.com. “I got Clarence’s word on this,” said Trump. “He’s an originalist, you know, and he says there ain’t nothing about bazookas in the Constitution, so we’re home free!”
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