Trump engaged in fiery rhetoric in what he pegged as the first “fireside chat” of his new administration.
Channeling Franklin Delano Roosevelt, President-elect Donald J. Trump engaged in fiery rhetoric in what he pegged as the first “fireside chat” of his second administration. Trump does not assume office for nearly 2 weeks. The 47th president-to-be engaged reporters in the Nixon Room at Mar-a-Lago on Monday, entertaining questions following a seemingly endless 70-minute wide-ranging discourse on the issues of the day.
“Roosevelt had a lot going on,” admitted Trump. “He ran for president four times and won each time. So far, I’ve run three times and won each time, but I ain’t through yet. I’ll run again in 2028 and I’ll win then, too! FDR took swift action when others would impede his efforts to make America great again,” Trump continued. “He threatened to pack the Supreme Court and that’s what I did, too.
“Roosevelt had his down side as well,” Trump went on. “He was a war monger and got the U.S. into a financially disastrous war with the fascists. If he’d put his mind to it, he coulda’ settled that territorial dispute and millions of people wouldn’t a died. Hitler, like Putin, was a businessman; he woulda’ listened to reason. I mean, who needs Poland, then or now? A big kerfuffle over some Kielbasa.”
A voice from the reporters cried out with a question about the Jews. “Ah,” replied Trump, “the Jews. Well, as you know, there are the good Jews and there are the bad Jews. Hitler was dealing primarily with bad Jews, who even in 1938 were experimenting with rudimentary space lasers.”
Trump began his lengthy address by castigating America’s closest neighbors, Mexico and Canada, as being “out of touch” and unsupportive of America’s valid interests. Under questioning, he said the U.S. would definitely not use military force to coerce Canada into becoming America’s 51st state, but would not rule out such force in securing Greenland and the Panama Canal for the U.S. “I foresee 6,000% tariffs on Canadian trade. That means that imported vehicles would cost as much as $2 million apiece. Hell,” he said, grinning, “at that rate, we can pay off Sleepy Joe Biden’s national debt in no time.”
Trump sees Panama and Greenland as another matter. “I’ll just phone up Pete Hegseth and say, ‘Pete, send over a few Rockwell B-1 Lancers to Greenland and melt a little ice.’ ” A hushed whisper snaked across the room and Trump raised his tiny hands and said, “Now, now, nobody’s gonna get hurt, aside from maybe a few muskoxen and caribous–the ones that Eric and Don Jr. have left standing.”
Besides addressing what Trump called the “New Manifest Destiny” of the United States, he vowed to bring about a “golden age of America,” at sharp variance with the “Biden third-tier banana republic,” which he said was “a horrible place.” He also promised to monetize and weaponize the presidency like never before. “If you ain’t raisin’ dough or exacting retribution every minute.” he said, “you ain’t livin’.”
Trump’s rambling 70-minute address also touched on other contemporary hot-button issues, such as his imminent pardon of the nearly 1,600 persons who have been charged or convicted in the Jan. 6, 2021 tourist event at the U.S. Capitol. Trump said that “thousands of lives have been upturned and many, many people have been devasted.” Trump advised that remedial measures be undertaken to “make it up to these fine patriots.”
To that end, Trump announced he tendered a job offer to former Oath Keepers leader Stewart Rhodes. In 2023 Rhodes was sentenced to 18 years in prison for seditious conspiracy for his role in the insurrection. Trump said he offered Rhodes a position as Gauleiter, in charge of the D.C. Brown Shirts, under the ultimate supervision of Reichsfuhrer Steven Miller. Rhodes, contacted in lockup, where he was pounding big rocks into little ones, accepted Trump’s offer on the spot.
Trump concluded his talk by promising to conduct a fireside chat “whenever the occasion arises.” In future, he said, they will assume a “townhall” motif, in order to delete the “lamestream media” from the events. Collectable DVDs of the events will be available on Trumpstore.com for just $99.99, said Trump. Those signed by Trump with a Sharpie will retail for $199.99.
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