This is for everyone in L.A. like me who got a false evacuation notice & thinks sometimes technology sucks!
It goes without saying that the world is praying for all who lost their homes in L.A.’s fires have a peaceful recovery. But the only way for me to ease my own crushing anxiety is to ‘write funny’ about getting a False Evacuation Notice.
Maybe it will help you too! A laugh is Gold… so let it go.
Living on the Westside of L.A. during ‘THE Fire of 2025,’ I got one of the false evacuation notices on my phone & was not prepared at all.
But I didn’t know it was false! 10 minutes later I luckily gazed at a new email saying it was an electronic glitch. Oh, that’s alright – but who’s gonna clean my underwear?
What amazes me is what I was grabbing in a panic for my big escape: A Toilet Bowl Brush, a Ruler, a Fly Swatter, Furniture Polish, my secret Cookie Recipe, Canned Beets & a Rectal Thermometer!
Oh, & a Breast Pump! And, I don’t even have a baby!
Looking at the cash I had on hand – I was clearly not going far: 10 one dollar bills, a 20 & a roll of quarters. The gas tank was on ‘Are you kidding me’ & I ran out of dental floss last Friday!
Okay – do I have my teeth, my glasses, my hearing aids & my Glock? Give me a break – I don’t know where I’m going!
I was flooded with decisions: Do I need that Taffeta dress with matching Boa, my Black push-up Bra or my new Green Pickleball Sports Ensemble?
Thankfully, I started to be more selective & it’s a good thing I noticed. My stash of purple Condoms expiration date is 1996! Please no pity! haha
‘THEY SAY’ TO TAKE Genealogy Records!
Where am I going – Greenland?
TAKE 3 Days Food!
You’re telling me Greenland doesn’t have McDonalds?
TAKE a Sleeping Bag!
If Hilton doesn’t take me in – I’ll sleep in a Manger!
TAKE Personal Hygiene!
For a Manger?
TAKE ‘Homework’!
I will not do it! Besides, I graduated in 1949!
TAKE Military Decorations!
They wouldn’t take me – Bone Spurs!
TAKE Primary Cosmetics!
Are you kidding? For me, it’s a Truck!
TAKE Your Diary!
You can have it! Well, everything but Page 64 – it’s too racy!
TAKE Toilet Paper!
Nah. Did you know my funny book, “CAN YOU PEE OUTDOORS?” has 219 pages? haha
Find it on Amazon! All proceeds from my book for the next 30 days (let’s not get crazy) will go to Firefighters! Don’t worry – I have 2 sets of books! haha
- Hellish Fire Escape & False Evacuation Notice: Panic in the Packing! - January 13, 2025
- Rx: This Anxious Patient Needs a Bed Buddy for January 19th! - January 8, 2025
- Yours Truly Sees a Shrink for Inauguration Anxiety! - January 3, 2025
