Trump’s new Costa Rican envoy pick may have something to do with dollars to donuts.
The little country of Costa Rica can rest easy that it’ll never run out of donuts, now that Donald Trump has picked a prominent Houston, Texas, donut store owner as the new U.S. ambassador to that Central American nation.
Why Melinda Hildebrand was picked as the new envoy might have something to do with dollars to donuts. This means, one supposes, a quid pro quo. Hildebrand must have figured Trump would appoint her to a sunny posting in the tropics after donating over $1 million dollars to his presidential campaign.
We won’t call this appointment one of those dastardly DEI hires, even if it didn’t hurt her cause that she’s the wife of a billionaire businessman, is a reliable Trump donor, and that she serves as vice president of her husband’s oil and gas company, Hilcorp Ventures. If there’s one thing Trump likes and sucks up to, it’s being surrounded by oil tycoons with big bucks. (See Elon Musk, and also Trump’s favorite expression, “Drill, baby, drill.”)
Of course, it’s just a minor coincidence that the Hilcorp Ventures company operates, among other states, in Alaska, where despite environmental concerns, Trump signed an executive order to expand drilling and mining.
Those knowledgeable on Costa Rica say the country’s breakfast cuisine is famous for gallo pinto (rice and beans), fried plantains, or corn pancakes called chorreadas. Now Costa Ricans will have a full supply of donuts, compliments of Melinda Hildebrand, whether it be glazed, chocolate, or a yeast raised donut with a rectangular shape called the Long John. Of course, people with their mind in the gutter might see a different connotation to that name.
Sure, Costa Rica already has its share of donut shops. But on the negative side, with a donut magnate now on the scene, the natives there known as Ticos might end up with more donuts than they know what to do with.
That might cause trouble, like obesity and other wonderful things. Even if donuts taste great, they fall under the category that it might be too good to be true, in that donuts are described as a “calorie bomb, loaded with sugar.” Let’s hope we don’t start seeing more Ticos needing to sign up with the Scarsdale diet plan.
It’s said that cushy ambassadorships are handed out as rewards to large campaign donors and other allies. Supposedly, a post-Watergate statute prohibits ambassadorial nominations because of contributions and sets a minimum standard of competency for the position. Supposedly.
Trump seems to have a thing for appointing U.S. ambassadors who are billionaire owners of eateries. For instance, his pick for U.S. envoy to Italy is Tillman Fertitta, owner of a steakhouse in New York City.
Trump calls Fertitta, the host of a television reality show called Billion Dollar Buyer, his “twin” in that Trump once hosted his own TV show called The Apprentice.
Fertitta also owns the Houston Rockets NBA basketball team, and the Golden Nugget casino hotel, which obviously qualifies him to be ambassador to Italy despite the fact he has no political or diplomatic experience but has long been a campaign donor to Trump’s Republican Party.
Another obviously well-qualified person to be an ambassador is ex-football star and failed candidate for the U.S. Senate, Herschel Walker, picked as U.S. envoy to the Bahamas. What makes him perfect for the job is that he’s been dealing with financial troubles and lying about his troubled past.
Just like those brilliant choices he made for his cabinet, Trump picked the cream of the crop for other diplomatic posts.
Those include Charles Kushner, father of Trump’s son-in-law Jared Kushner, as ambassador to France. Kushner, a real estate developer, was pardoned by Trump in 2020 following a 2005 conviction on federal charges that reportedly involved hiring a prostitute to lure an enemy into having sex in a motel as a hidden camera rolled.
Then there’s Kimberly Guilfoyle, a TV personality, and former fiancée of Trump’s son, Donald Trump, Jr., appointed to be ambassador to Greece. When Guilfoyle was asked about her qualifications for the job, she answered by saying, “It’s All Greek to Me.”
Which is what we might say about all these cabinet appointments and puppet masters for Trump in that they may find their new responsibilities hard to understand since they don’t have any formal diplomatic experience.
But who cares, especially in Costa Rica? Now that there’s a donut majordomo on board, the Ticos will always have something tasty to eat that goes down easy with their morning café au lait.
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