Class Clown Interview: Talk Radio - Dean Kaner, Humor Times

Wherein our intrepid talk radio show host interviews high school class clown, Cheryl Hawk.

ANNOUNCER

Ladies and gentlemen, it’s the Minnesota Nice Radio Show. And here’s your host Tommy Ellis.

TOMMY ELLIS

Welcome to the show. Today my guest is Cheryl Hawk, the class clown in high school.

TOMMY

Mornin, Cheryl.

CHERYL HAWK

Kids used to tease me. Called me names like Cheryl the barrel and beach ball.

TOMMY

Well, you are kinda round. Just sayin.

CHERYL

Turd.

TOMMY

You was sent to the principal so many times. I remember when we dissected a frog in biology class and you shoved it in the teacher’s desk when she wasn’t lookin. Too bad Larry Edwards snitched.

CHERYL

Harry Larry. The dope already had a mustache in 2nd grade. Because of him, I was expelled for a week. Oh well. At least my parents thought it was funny.

TOMMY

Geez, how stupid.

CHERYL

You sayin my ma and pa are stupid just because they’re first cousins?

TOMMY

I didn’t say they were stupid. They are stupid. There is nothin past tense about it.

TOMMY

Hey. Somethin else you done in high school. It was in Grant Erickson’s algebra class. He was the meanest teacher. Used to slap kids in the head if they didn’t understand the lesson.

CHERYL

Yeah. That a-hole. I wrote him a letter.

TOMMY

(laughs)

I saved the copy you gave me. Here, take it.

CHERYL

(reads out loud)

Dear Algebra,

Please stop askin us to find your X. She’s never comin back and don’t ask Y. Haha, loser.

Cheryl Hawk

TOMMY

What happened?

CHERYL

He flunked me.

TOMMY

Tell everyone what you do for a livin here in Slenderville.

CHERYL

I’m a tarot card reader.

TOMMY

What do tarot card readers do?

CHERYL

We interpret your past, present and future.

TOMMY

Cool.

CHERYL

The cards tell a story, but you write the ending.

TOMMY

What’s my ending?

CHERYL

(looks at cards)

It says, “You ain’t shit.”

TOMMY

Now I know what’s wrong with your brain. On the left side, there is nothin right. On the right side, there is nothin left.

CHERYL

Tommy. Always wondered if Chinese tourists get upset when they buy a souvenir from America and then find out it was made in China.

TOMMY

She’s still crazy after all these years. Cheryl Hawk everyone.

Minnesota Nice Radio Show
(c) Dean B. Kaner

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Dean Kaner

Dean B. Kaner is a playwright and screenwriter, having co-produced and co-written plays for the stage with performances in New York City, Chicago, Minneapolis, Los Angeles, Boston, Detroit, Phoenix and Memphis. Check out The Jerry Duncan Show on YouTube, as well as on Instagram, and the sketch comedy A Bit of Biden (on Instagram) and at @abitofbiden on TikTok.