[Disclaimer: This is a satirical news piece, just for fun, read at your own risk!]

Kennedy Center to End Drag Queen Shows by Order of the New Chairman

Newly self-appointed chairman Donald Trump also announced his intention to rename the Kennedy Center after himself.

Donald Trump says nightly drag queen shows will no longer be allowed at the John F. Kennedy Center for the Performing Arts in Washington, D.C.

Kennedy Center
Photo: Victoria Pickering, flickr.com, CC BY-NC-ND 2.0.

Trump apparently made the announcement because he is bored, not having enough to do as President since First Buddy Elon Musk is running everything. Trump said that, as the Kennedy Center’s “amazing” newly self-appointed Chairman, he will personally dictate programming at the cultural institution. Specifically, that means he will forbid events featuring performers in drag.

Trump said that the Kennedy Center featured drag shows “specifically targeting our youth.”

“THIS WILL NOT STAND,” he added, emphatically.

Trump stated that the drag shows, where men dress in clothing associated with women and vice versa, are a “national disgrace.”

“I, as protector of our values and mores will no longer let the Democrat perverts ruin our society,” said convicted felon Trump, who’s also been accused by at least 18 women of varying inappropriate behavior, including allegations of sexual harassment or sexual assault.

Drag artists said Trump is targeting them because of who they are, in a country where the Constitution guarantees freedom of expression.

“This is about who gets to exist in public spaces and whose stories get to be told on America’s stage,” said Blaq Dinamyte, president of Qommittee, a national network of drag artists and allies. “Banning an entire art form is censorship, plain and simple. Americans don’t have to agree on everything, but we should be able to speak our minds and perform our art without bans, retaliation, or intimidation.”

Trump called the Kennedy Center the “pearl of America, and the brightest stars from all over our country should be on its stage.” He said “at my direction, we are going to make the Kennedy Center GREAT AGAIN. The best is yet to come.”

The Kennedy Center website indicated that it held only a few drag shows in 2024. Each year, the Center hosts about 2,200 performances and exhibitions, all mostly aimed at an adult crowd.

Trump said he had decided to immediately terminate multiple individuals from the Kennedy Center’s Board of Trustees, including the Chairman, philanthropist David Rubenstein, “who do not share our Vision for a Golden Age in Arts and Culture.” Current board members include Trump allies Pam Bondi, his recently confirmed attorney general, and Lee Greenwood, whose song “God Bless the USA,” was the unofficial anthem of Trump’s presidential campaigns.

By Golden Age in Arts and Culture, Trump apparently meant the Kennedy Center will now feature tractor pulls and rodeos, and have Elon Musk introduce such Trump supporters as country star Kid Rock and rapper Kodak Black who Trump pardoned after serving a four-year prison sentence on a federal firearms charge. Also expect to see honored on stage Trump’s favorite drivers from the NASCAR auto racing circuit, and members of the right-wing extremist groups Proud Boys and Oath Keepers who Trump recently freed from jail.

Trump has a conflicted history with Kennedy Center programs. Some Center honorees in 2017 threatened to pull out of events that included him following his controversial handling of the white nationalist rally in Charlottesville, Virginia. He broke tradition from previous presidents by not attending the Kennedy Center honors ceremony throughout his first term in the White House. He also threatened during that first term to boycott Kennedy Center events held at the White House.

As an indicator of what about the Kennedy Center is about to become, two Republican Congressmen–Rep. Christopher Smith of New Jersey and Rep. John Moolenaar of Michigan–accused the Center of “subsidizing Chinese Communist Party propaganda” by presenting a five-day run of performances by the National Ballet of China. Of course, at the height of the Cold War, the Center brought the Bolshoi Ballet from Russia in to perform. By the Congressmen’s logic, having the Bolshoi at the Center must have meant subsidizing Russian propaganda as well.

Trump also said he is renaming the Kennedy Center the Donald J. Trump Center for the Performing Arts. The name Kennedy Center, said Trump, is outdated, and “I, as President of the United States, will hereby and forever after have this place honor my greatness. Okay?”

Any reference to the Center being associated with John F. Kennedy, from whom it was originally named for, will be strictly forbidden, said Trump.

As the “best president in U.S. history,” asserted Trump, “I decree the place will be named for me. You got a problem with that?”

Eric Green
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