Welcome to the Museum of the Deep State

,

Brainchild of FBI Director Kash Patel, the former FBI headquarters is now the Museum of the Deep State.

By Charles Burress

Welcome to the new Museum of the Deep State! As you know, it’s the brainchild of new FBI Director Kash Patel and occupies the former FBI headquarters here in Washington.

Museum of the Deep State
Formerly FBI headquarters, now the Museum of the Deep State.

As your guide, ladies and gentlemen, I’m proud to call you “ladies” and “gentlemen.” Anyone who thinks he or she is trans is welcome to leave now. Those gentlemen in brown uniforms are happy to escort you far away.

Please disregard the fake news being spread by far-left lunatics, which is that the museum is part of President Trump’s initiative to redefine his MAGA movement. As we all know, MAGA stands for “Make America Great Again,” and NOT “Make America Genuflect Again.” But, just between you and me, I’ve heard that when the President learned about this fake-news definition of MAGA, he said, “Hmm, I like that.” Then he added with a wink, “For the record, I never said that.”

Before we enter, here’s a guide to the star attractions, printed on 100% non-recycled paper.

Museum of the Deep State
Popular Exhibits on the Membership and Overthrow of the Cabal that Infected America with Waste, Fraud and Abuse

Hall of Horrors, wax replicas of the FBI’s latest 10 most-wanted criminals, including:

  • A drooling Anthony (“Fork-tongued Tony”) Fauci, locked in stocks.
  • A bug-eyed Mike (“Sanctimonious Sad Sack”) Pence, dangling from a noose.
  • A demented Elizabeth (“Lying Liz”) Cheney, standing before a firing squad.

Celebration Cemetery, where you rejoice instead of grieve

  • An ill-kempt “DEI, RIP” plot, topped with a crumbling tombstone, overgrown weeds and a charred piece of American Airlines fuselage, illustrating DEI’s disastrous impacts.
  • A grave of the movement to stop global warming, featuring a bobbing oil derrick plunging into the movement’s corpse. It recalls Prometheus, doomed to have his liver forever eaten by an eagle. An accompanying Prometheus mural depicts the eagle as the one from the U.S. dollar, the world’s most powerful currency.
  • An “America First” mass grave of the many treaties and international agreements by which our nation has conducted self-defeating participation in international cooperation.
  • An astroturf-covered grave of asylum immigration, representing the fate of those unfortunate foreigners who are too weak to withstand persecution and danger in their home countries.

Hall of Heroes

  • Two large statues of the President and FBI Director, shining in the dim light as if made of genuine gold. The truth, which the museum is committed to always revealing, is they are made of Styrofoam covered with a patina of pyrite fashioned by the most skilled American craftsmen of Madison Avenue.
  • An even larger statue, the largest in the collection and made of solid titanium, is Elon Musk, his straightened right arm raised in a Sieg-Heil Hitler salute. But the power and the glory of this magnificent artwork cannot be fully seen except in black light. Use the provided black light glasses for a stunning experience.
  • Gleaming marble statuettes of the six Supreme Court justices who ruled that the unsurpassed height of President Trump’s authority places him above the law, with immunity from prosecution for criminal acts that regular citizens must stand trial for.
  • “Power Podium” of bronze statues, featuring Vladimir Putin, Viktor Urbán and other fearsome heads of state, all deservedly revered for stomping out the excesses of democracy.
  • A shining silver statue of Attorney General Pam Bondi holding in one hand the scales of justice representing an unwavering commitment to fairness and equal justice before the law. The other hand holds the sword of punishment for those who break the law, particularly traitors who are disloyal to President Trump and deny that the 2020 election was rigged or who employ niggling lawsuits against his minor usurpations. These ultra-leftist Communist sympathizers seek to block his path to rich prosperity for all his benevolent corporate donors.

“Drill Baby Drill!” Flume Ride

  • The most thrilling part of the museum, which will make your heart pump like a Texas gusher as you plummet down a stream of American crude. Before boarding, don the white robe and pointed hood, to protect you with a thin layer of oil-proof PFAs.

Gift Shop

  • MAGA cryptocurrency, guaranteed to double in value in only one week.
  • President Trump’s personally autographed Bible, with a discount for museum visitors.
  • President Trump’s new “Complete Works of Shakespeare,” improved by his powerful editing skills down to an easily digestible 1,000 words.
  • Joe Biden and Kamala Harris punching bags in bruise blue.

Egress

  • The biggest surprise of all. Enter the twisting corridor and follow the flashing signs saying, “This way to the Egress!”
Humor Times
Latest posts by Humor Times (see all)
Share
Share