Interview with Amazon founder Jeff Bezos, conducted by Humor Times Conservative Capitol Correspondent Llib Epot.
Jeff Bezos, Amazon founder and one of the world’s wealthiest persons, announced today on X (formerly Twitter) that his businesses are undergoing workforce retraction, that he has dissension brewing at his Washington Post and that Amazon is undergoing a sea change in policy.
Humor Times Conservative Capitol Correspondent Llib Epot: Good morning, Mr. Bezos. Thank you meeting today.
Amazon Founder Jeff Bezos: You’re welcome, Llib. A pleasure to be here. I’ve had my eye on you. You’re one journalist who has his mind right. Play your cards right, and you’ll get a regular column in The Washington Post.
Epot: Does that mean I could share a desk in the newsroom with Catherine Rampell? She’s a babe!
Bezos: We’ll see. If there’s one thing I’ve learned, it’s that everything is negotiable. Politics, ethics, people’s lives…
Epot: How are things going at the Post nowadays? I understand you had a little dust up over editorial policy.
Bezos: I’ve decided to focus editorially on writing every day in support of defense of two pillars: personal liberties and free markets — for the Trump family. Oh, we’ll cover other stuff of course, but we will concentrate and on the accumulation of power and the continued well being of Our Dear Leader.
Epot: Understood. And welcome back from the wilderness. My next question concerns financial arrangements you have made with the people in your employ. Would you care to explain the changes?
Bezos: Certainly. In light of Supreme Court decisions and acts taken by state legislatures and the Congress, I decided to revisit systems and methods explored at length during the late 19th and early 20th century, with respect to employee compensation. Beginning April 1, my employees at Blue Origin, Amazon and The Washington Post will be compensated not with money but with scrip, redeemable only at the Company Store; i.e., Amazon.
Epot: That doesn’t contravene statutes respecting legal tender?
Bezos: It does not. This is “alternative legal tender,” and the president has already said I could do it.
Epot: Understood. I understand you are downsizing somewhat at your aerospace company, Blue Origin?
Bezos: Indeed. I have decided to cut the workforce by 10%, meaning we will lay off 1,000 of the 10,000 workers so employed. I don’t really want to make the cuts, but am doing so in sympathy with the president’s decision to reduce the federal workforce.
Epot: Blue Origin has an elite, highly-skilled, highly sought-after work force. How did you decide who you would separate from?
Bezos: I based this likewise on principles expressed by the president, namely those which compel employers to eradicate from their ranks anyone associated with DEI. At Blue Origin in particular, we have a substantial number of LGBTQ, female and African American employees. In order to fall in compliance with the president, the co-president and DOGE, these misfits gotta go. We are transitioning to a strictly merit-based employment structure.
Epot: What will become of all these employees?
Bezos: (Shrugging) We’ll hold a job fair or something. Many of these excised workers are African American, and so stand to profit handsomely by administration strategies to remove the millions of illegals and thus free up more Black jobs.
Epot: Thanks again, for the interview, Mr. Bezos. Keep doing it to it!
Bezos: Right on, Llib. Like we used to say back in the day, Dick Nixon before Nixon dicks you.
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