Top 20 Outrageous Reasons Trump Would Want to Make Puerto Rico the 51st State

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President Trump has set his sights on Puerto Rico as the 51st State — Here are his top 10 reasons.

After his grand plans to annex Canada and Greenland have faced unexpected delays — what with Canada imposing tariffs and Greenland’s residents chanting “Greenland is not for sale” — President Trump has set his sights on Puerto Rico. Here’s why they might ‘Want to Be In America’ – as the 51st state!

Puerto Rico
First, he gave them paper towels. Now he wants to give them statehood — if they’ll do him a favor, though.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

1. Trump Tower: Island Edition
Trump plans to build a glittering skyscraper in Puerto Rico, so tall it could pierce the clouds and compete with El Yunque Rainforest. Financial discussions with Bacardi as to whether the Bat-Signal goes on top.

2. Reality TV Goldmine
“Statehood Apprentice” — a reality show where contestants battle it out to manage Puerto Rico’s statehood transition. Losers get shipped off to a “golf resort” in the Dominican Republic.

3. Hurricane Redemption Arc
Trump aims to rewrite his legacy by claiming credit for Puerto Rico’s “miraculous recovery” after Hurricane Milton in October 2024, with a special gun for shooting off rolls of paper towels ready to go.

4. Space Force Base of Operations
Forget Area 51. Trump wants Puerto Rico to host Space Force, with red, white, and gold uniforms. Satellites, drones and splashdown viewing from San Juan!

5. Miss Universe 2.0
Trump believes Puerto Rico’s statehood will guarantee even more Miss Universe crowns for the USA, planning to claim victory on Twitter the moment the tiara is placed on Miss Puerto Rico’s head. Peepholes in the dressing rooms are a given.

6. The Great Wall
Not just any wall — the administration envisions a “Great Island Wall” encircling Puerto Rico, featuring a wide moat of anchored yachts and floating ICE command posts.

7. Tropical Presidential Retreat
Who needs Mar a Lago when you can have the Winter White House on Condado Beach? Cabinet Meetings held while sipping Piña Coladas. Or dark rum and Trump’s stash of Diet Coke.

8. Trump Vodka Replaced with Rum
Puerto Rico will be the birthplace of Trump Vodka 2.0, a new brand introducing Trump Rum (Rump for short!)  and marketed as the “official drink of the 51st state.”

9. Trump Plaza: Casino-Style
All hotels in Puerto Rico will have to carry the Trump Casino brand, or face “severe consequences.” Casino chips with Melania’s friendly face on one side, and the MAGA logo on the other. Cyber currency accepted!

10. The First State With No Federal Taxes
Puerto Rico becomes the ultimate tax haven — so good, even the IRS is like, “wait, can we get in on this?” Every Trump business venture situated in Puerto Rico gets a massive tax break. Delaware lodges a protest.

Otto Controle
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