1000 Batshit Crazy Ideas of a Very Stable Genius #758: National Parks

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President Trump is full of batshit crazy ideas, and his latest involves America’s National Parks.

By Donald A. Ranard, transcribed from the head of Donald Trump.
National Parks Yosemite
Yosemite National Park in California. Photo: Diliff, CC BY-SA 3.0.

I don’t like national parks. They don’t do anything. They’re just there. BORING.

Let’s DO something with the parks. Resorts, hotels, luxury apartments. CASINOS! 

What’s so wonderful about a park anyway? You go to a park, you look at a tree. Maybe you get bit by a BEAR.

Last year 1038 people got bit by BEARS. Most people don’t know that. One of them got scalped. SAD! Now he wears a toupee.

There are parks that have pools with SHARKS in them. They call them amusement parks. You think there’s something AMUSING about sharks? Get bit by a shark and see if it’s amusing.

And why do we even have parks? I’ll tell you why. SOCIALISM. They’re called state parks for a reason — because they’re run by the STATE.

Another word for State is STAZI. That’s what they called the State in COMMUNIST countries. Most people don’t know that.

Tremendous waste, fraud, and abuse in those STAZI parks. SAD!

Donald A. Ranard’s writing has appeared in Humor Times, The Atlantic, New World Writing Quarterly, The Los Angeles Review, 100 Word Story, The Best Travel Writing, and elsewhere. In 2022, his prose poem “5/25/22” was longlisted by Wigleaf as one of the year’s Top 50 Very Short Fictions and his one-act play, ELBOW. APPLE. CARPET. SADDLE. BUBBLE., placed second in a national playwriting contest.

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