[Disclaimer: This is a satirical news piece, just for fun, read at your own risk!]

Trump Signs Executive Order Changing the Official Language from English to American

Trump: “We’ve been speaking British for far too long,” signs executive order changing the official language to American.

By Stephen Carmickle

On Saturday, President Trump made good on one of his most anticipated campaign promises by signing an executive order changing the official language of the United States from English to American.

changing the official language to American
Photo: White House, Public Domain.

Trump was quoted saying, “We’ve been speaking British for far too long. It’s about damn time we speak our language in our own country!”

When asked what the differences are between American and English, Trump noted that American is spoken with a louder and more demanding tone compared to the “condescending tone” of English.

He went on to say that, “American has more words, our words are much better than theirs, like ‘irregardless,’ isn’t that a great word? Not a lot of people know about that word, but I do, I know the best words. They don’t have words like that across the pond.”

Trump would go on to list his top 3 favorite words in the American language:

3. Covfefe

2. Yuge

And #1. “Quarfnoggle,” which he made up on the spot.

After the press conference, Mr. Trump could be heard saying, “Hey! There’s my stupid quarfnoggle!” as he greeted Vice President JD Vance on their way to the Oval Office to extort natural resources from unsuspecting world leaders.

Humor Times
Share
Share