Future News: At the start of his third year of his second term of office, Trump christens new fighter jet.
Future News: Commemorating the start of the third year of his second term of office, President Donald J. Trump introduced to the world the much-trumpted sixth-generation fighter, the newly-christened TR-47 fighter jet.
Trump met with a hand-picked group of alt-right journalists and political boosters on the verdant lawn fronting the North Portico of the White House. In attendance with Trump was three-time impeached DoD Secretary Pete Hegseth (presently out on bond) and, of course, Sultan Elon Musk (SpaceX, Tesla, Trojan Condoms), who came armed with a portable wood chipper.
The plane, designed to take the place of the Air Force’s F-22 Raptor jet, and destined to afford stealth and greater range than the Raptor, was named by Hegseth to honor the 47th American president. Questioned on the propriety of naming the aircraft after a sitting president, Hegseth replied hotly that, “If that bitch Betty White can get her own postage stamp, then Massa Trump can have his moment in the sun!”
What will the TR-47 fighter jet cost? Lockheed Martin charges $150 million per plane for the F-22, but the cost per unit, including research and development, eclipses $344 million. When asked what the TR-47 might run, Hegseth grinned, shook his head and replied, “That’s above my pay grade. I’ll leave that question to Uncle Elon.”
Whereupon Musk took the mic and said crisply that DOGE was in the midst of negotiating a price tag of some $200 million per plane. Musk noted, however, that he was also involved in negotiations to purchase Boeing outright and that, should a deal be made, the price would immediately escalate to $500 million per unit.
Remarking that he never met a cash cow he didn’t want to milk, Musk attributed the price increase to development of “double, top-secret technology” which would make the F-47 self-piloting. “Lookit what the concept has done for Tesla,” said the world’s number one maker of condoms. “What could possibly go wrong?”
Musk went on to note that, with de facto Saudi ruler Mohammed bin Salman, he has purchased Major League Baseball, in the same manner that Saudi Arabia seized control of professional golf with the establishment of LV Golf several years ago. Musk told listeners that “henceforth, Major League Baseball will be a merit-based institution.”
He said that he sent emails to hundreds of Black, Native-American, Asians, Hispanic-Americans and other non-white players–the so-called “hypenated-players”–demanding to know what they had done the previous week to justify their continued employment. When nobody responded to his email, Musk summarily fired the more than 300 players.
“I’ve already saved millions of dollars,” boasted Musk, saying he has assumed the mantle of Commissioner of Baseball. Asked if he thought he could serve in multiple positions at once (Sultan, DOGE Czar and owner of multiple companies), Musk shrugged off the question. “I’ll do for MLB what I’ve done for X and Tesla.”
Finally grabbing the microphone back from the new Commissioner of Baseball, Trump warned that the U.S. would sell the new plane to major U.S. allies, such as Russia, North Korea and the Saudi Kingdom, but that planes vended to more traditional American allies France, the U.K. and Australia, would only be produced in altered, “toned-down” versions.
This was so, Trump said, because “these countries might not be allies in the future.” He added that this did not really apply to our neighbor to the north, because “the wheels are already in motion to make Canada our 51st state.” Trump started talking about breaking ground on a new Trump Tower in Quebec, but the crowd drifted away.
- Trump Unveils TR-47 Fighter Jet on White House Lawn - March 25, 2025
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- Condom Maker Elon Musk Vows to Slash Social Security ‘to the Bone’ - March 17, 2025
