Chippewa Tribe Chief on Talk Radio - Dean Kaner, Humor Times

Wherein our intrepid talk radio show host interviews Chief Rain in Face of the Chippewa Native American tribe.

ANNOUNCER

From beautiful downtown Slenderville, Minnesota, it’s the Minnesota Nice Radio Show. And here’s your host Tommy Ellis.

TOMMY ELLIS

Welcome to the show. I’m tired this mornin’. Couldn’t sleep last night, because my toilet was runnin’. Now I gotta spend money for a plumber. It’s amazin’, but a plumber is the only guy I know that can take a leak… and fix it, too. Today on the show my guest is Chief Rain in Face of the Chippewa Native American tribe in the area.

Chippewa snowshoe dance. Painting by George Catlin, circa 1835, Public Domain.

TOMMY

Welcome, Chief.

CHIEF RAIN IN FACE

How, kemosabe. Me hungry. You have buffalo wings?

TOMMY

Nah. Them animals can’t fly.

CHIEF

Then I hunt for buffalo after show.

TOMMY

Hey. Do you know what’s as big as a buffalo, but weighs nothin’?

CHIEF

You punk me, pale face?

TOMMY

No, Chief. The buffalo’s shadow.

CHIEF

I scalp you after show.

TOMMY

You betcha. According to my notes, you are the president of the tribe.

CHIEF

Chippewa here before White people. Start with nothing and now own casino. People gamble there day and night. We make lots of wampum. On Sundays, very busy. Difference between prayer in church and prayer in casino. In casino, you really mean it.

TOMMY

Shucks. Haven’t been to your neck of the woods. I understand there’s great fishin’.

CHIEF

I live on reservation near Lake Meshuga. Me catch trout, walleye, perch. Last week, biggest catch ever.

TOMMY

What?

CHIEF

Twenty-pound gefilte fish. Thank goodness I got fly rod and reel for wife. Best trade ever made.

TOMMY

You may regret it by golly.

CHIEF

No. Lots of squaws looking for rich chief.

TOMMY

Ain’t Patrick Mahomes married?

CHIEF

I talking about me, not KC quarterback. Worth big money from casino.

TOMMY

Amazin’. Ya know people have been rich ever since the old days in Egypt. Pharoah was rich.

CHIEF

How did he make money?

TOMMY

Pharoah ran a huge pyramid scheme.

CHIEF

Didn’t know they had Amway back then. Float like fry bread. Sting like grease.

TOMMY

Chief Rain in Face. See you tomorrow everyone.

Minnesota Nice
(c) Dean B. Kaner

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Dean Kaner

Dean B. Kaner is a playwright and screenwriter, having co-produced and co-written plays for the stage with performances in New York City, Chicago, Minneapolis, Los Angeles, Boston, Detroit, Phoenix and Memphis. Check out The Jerry Duncan Show on YouTube, as well as on Instagram, and the sketch comedy A Bit of Biden (on Instagram) and at @abitofbiden on TikTok.