Interview with Press Secretary Karoline Leavitt. Part of an ongoing series conducted by Humor Times Conservative Capitol Correspondent Llib Epot.
Conservative Capitol Correspondent Llib Epot: Thanks for the interview, Ms. Leavitt.
White House Press Secretary Karoline Leavitt: Let me stop you right there, Llib. I am decidedly not a Ms., but rather a proud, unwoke, unliberated, missionary-position Mrs.! You can just call me Karoline; but don’t tell my husband! (Giggles prettily).
Epot: Understood — Karoline. You sit here today as the youngest White House Press Secretary in the history of the position. Is there anyone whom you would like to thank for facilitating your arrival here?
Leavitt: Ooh, yes, thank you, Llib! There are just so many people to thank, but I think I’d like to make special mention of Amazon founder Jeff Bezos.
Epot: Bezos. Really. How did he forward your transjectory into this lofty position.
Leavitt: I owe Jeff because I purchased off Amazon a pair of remarkable kneepads.
Epot: Kneepads, Karoline?
Leavitt: Indeed. I bought a rugged pair of NoCry Professional Kneepads for Women, with Heavy-Duty Anti-Slip Cap. One never knows when she might have to drop and slap them on at a moment’s notice. They have served me well!
Epot: Uh, interesting. In response to the Trump Administration sending a letter of complaint to the Justice Department about alleged illegal activities on the part of independent law firms, the president announced recently that an out-of-court settlement has been reached by the White House with these firms. What would you like to say about that?
Leavitt: This is a query which you should be addressing to Pam (Bondi, U.S. Attorney General), but in her absence I’ll take a stab at it. I think it right and proper for these Democrat shysters to have a day of reckoning and come on over from the Dark Side.
Epot: These legal lfirms are on the tab for performing some $900 million in pro bono work for Trump and Republican causes. Does that conflict with the rule of law?
Leavitt: It’s like I said, Llib, let Pam Bondi address the propriety of that.
Epot: Is there any truth to the rumor that there is bad blood between you and the Attorney General?
Leavitt: Most definitely not. I admire Pam Bondi; I love her like a grandmother!
Epot: Karoline, you were raised an ardent Catholic. How do you feel your faith has served you?
Leavitt: Oh, Llib, I’m so glad that you asked that question. I feel that God has had a strong impact on me, and on every other right-minded American. I feel convinced that President Trump was saved by the hand of God from the July 13 assassination attempt in Butler, Pennsylvania, for a reason.
Epot: And what reason is that?
Leavitt: That The Donald might Live Long and Prosper; that he might sit at the Right Hand of God, and that he might serve as mankind’s Retribution!
Epot: Karoline, you have come under fire for comments made in the heat of the moment. For example, in the aftermath of the fatal collision of an American Airlines plane with a Blackhawk helicopter at Reagan National Airport, you said: “When you are flying on an airplane with your loved ones…do you pray that your plane lands safely and gets you to your destination, or do you pray that the pilot has a certain skin color?”
Leavitt: I stand behind my statement, Llib, because you have a choice: fly white and live or fly DEI and take your chances. You can’t have it both ways!
Epot: Our 4 minutes are almost up, Karoline. Regarding returning wrongly deported immigrant Abrego Garcia from a notorious El Salvadoran prison, which a federal judge has ruled the White House must do, what do you say to critics who say the administration has violated the court’s order by dragging its heels.
Leavitt: the judge said that it is the administration’s responsibility to facilitate the return, not to effectuate the return.
Epot: Could you clarify?
Leavitt: Yes. It is the administration’s responsibility to facilitate the return, not to effectuate the return.
Epot: Got it! Final question: DOGE has indicated plans to shutter the NOAA and still its many functions. This includes national weather alerts in the case of tornados, hurricanes, extreme heat and earthquakes, in effect privatizing weather forecasts and compelling citizens to subscribe to weather forecasting services.
Epot: DOGE is eager to spur entrepreneurialism in the private sector. In fact, Co-prersident Musk has talks going to organize the first subscription-service for weather briefs. It’s called X-You!
Epot: Just one final question, please. Regarding the efforts to obtain Greenland: Don Jr. recently visited the island and convinced homeless residents to wear MAGA hats in return for food. Then there is action in Congress to rename Greenland as “Red, White and Blueland.” Is there any question of propreitary here, Karoline?
Leavitt: No. Don Jr. is free, white and twenty-one. He is at liberty to act as he pleases. In fact, President Trump doesn’t know Don Jr., has never met him, and can’t be held to account for others’ behavior.
Epot: Karoline, it’s been a genuine please. Sorry to see it end.
Leavitt: I know what you mean, Llib. It’s the fastest 4-minutes since I tried out the kneepads with the president.
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