Passover Song Parodies

,

A few new parody songs to lighten up the mood at your Passover Seder, based on contemporary music.

For those of you looking to lighten up the mood at your upcoming Passover Seder (whether you’re host, guest, or Elijah crashing another), here are a few new parody songs based on contemporary hit music. Enjoy. (And, for you celebrants, Happy Passover!)

Passover Seder
A Ukrainian 19th-century lubok representing the Passover Seder table, by anonymous folk artist, Public Domain.

THE TASTE OF PESACH (to the tune of Simon & Garfunkel’s “Sounds of Silence”)

Hello, Pesach, my old friend.
It’s Spring and Seder time again.
Because in Ancient Egypt Moses led
The Jews, who left so fast they had no bread.
But the Matzah, made from plants of the same grain, would remain
The baseline taste of Pesach.
 
Across the desert Israel trudged,
While by their Lord God they were judged.
God finally lead them to the Promised Land.
Found milk and honey, plus a lot of sand.
Still the vineyards that they planted grew so fine,
Such a sign, that they’d drink wine, on Pesach.
 
And in the Holy Land the Jews, built shuls with bimahs, arks, and pews.
People shuckling without praying, most Jews have no idea what they’re saying.
People writing psalms, Haggadahs and Siddurs, hear the snores.
Another sound of Pesach.
 
“Fools” said I “You do not know, the meaning of this festive show.
It’s not the Ten Plagues or the Exodus, the Red Sea crossing or that desert fuss.
It’s to tell us, that these slaves became a Na-
-tion that day, that’s why we pray, on Pesach.”
 
And so we hold a festive meal, and eat fine brisket, lamb or veal.
Then every year endure the same debate: which type of matzah ball is truly great,
Till the host shouts, “The balls of the matzah are much better if they’re light not dense,
No offence. Now please … like the 4th Son … be Silent.”

 

CALL ME MOSES (to Carlie Rae Jepsen’s “Call Me Maybe”)

I threw a babe in the sea, he’d been a brother to me.
He’ll help the Israelites flee, if God will show the way.
I hear the Egyptian cries, they’re plagued by locusts and flies.
Their Pharaoh’s very surprised, ‘cause God is in his way.
 
Your stare was burning, like a bush – no turning
Back from a people’s yearning
Where you think you’re going, baby?
 
Hey I just met you, and it’s delirium, but here’s my number, and call me Miriam.
God killed my 2 sons, my life is barren, but Moses needs me, so call me Aaron.
You barely know me, ‘cause I’m off-camera, I fathered Moses, so call me Amram.
While slaves in Egypt, I kept my tribe fed, gave birth to Moses, call me Yochebed.

***************************

You took your time with the plagues, but Pharaoh’s heart never gave,
You finally got us away, the Red Sea in our way.
You begged and borrowed and stole, until our matzah grew cold,
But just as G-d had foretold, nothing stands in our way.
 
Your stare was burning, like a bush – no turning
Back from a people’s yearning
Where you think you’re going, baby?
 
Hey I just met you, don’t step on my toes’es, but here’s my number, so call me Moses.
You killed my people, cut off their noses –but I got your number, just call me Moses.
Hey, on the lintel, blood of lambs is; so here’s my number, and call me Ramses.
In Mitzrayim, the land is narrow. G-d killed my first born, so call me Pharaoh.

**********************************

Before you came into my life, I needed slaves bad, to build my new pad, and a tomb for my dad,
To built me more pyramids, I need you so bad, and you should know that, I need you so so bad.

**********************************

Hey, I’m Israelite, and no Assyrian, but here’s my number, and call me Miriam.
While Pharaoh’s hated, I smell like roses, so here’s my number, just call me Moses.
And now it’s springtime, birdsongs and clover, so thank you, Pharaoh, for our Passover.
 
After we fled Egypt, you missed us so bad, while we had freedom, and were so very glad.
Before we came into your life you thought Egypt ruled, you were a big fool, so call me Moses.

 

SHALLOW (a Red Sea Encounter, with apologies to Lady Gaga)
 
Pharaoh:
Tell me something, slaves
Are you worried ‘bout those Red Sea waves?
Though I kept you poor,
Killed your first born, took away your straw,
I’m sorry.
I’ll give you good times if you return,
Longing for chrain,
To build more pyramids that praise myself.
 
Israelites:
Tell me something, King,
Did you know that we would flee this spring?
To the Sea of Reeds,
Then through the desert to where Moses leads.
It’s parting:
We’ll cross to freedom, no longer slaves
Wearing chains.
Too many bad times, we feared you so.
 
We’re in the deep end, crossing the Red Sea
Hoping that we won’t drown.
Here come Egyptians, having conniptions,
They’ve entered the shallows now.
In the shallow,
We’re past the shallow,
Way beyond the Narrow.
We’re far from the Pharaoh now.
 
OY, oyoyoy, oyoyoy, oyoyoyoyoy…
 
They’re in the deep end, water’s returning
They’ll never reach the shore.
Bob on surface, where they can’t hurt us
They’re far from the shallows now.
Horses in the shallows
Riders in the shallows
Drowning in the shallows
They’re far from their Pharaoh now.

 

SHOTGUN (with heart-felt regrets to George Ezra)
 
Egyptian alligators, Moses haters
Gotta hit the road, gonna bring a load.
Something made the Pharaoh fear:
Plagues around him: Frogs and bear.
Time for an Exodus.
 
Moses dressed up in yellow and green.
Sticks to snakes, ‘cause the Pharaoh is mean.
There’s a mountaintop and we call it Sinai.
With commandments – six hundred thirteen.
 
We’ll be eating matzah, momma’s cooking pots ‘a’
Soup of which there’s lots a.
Then we’ll have some maror, homemade ‘cause there’s no store,
Now I’ll rest, my foot’s sore.
 
We’re south of the Equator, no more gators
Fleeing to the sea, chased by his army.
Red Sea parting, army drowns, Pharaoh’s smiles turn to frowns.
Never get used to this.
 
Moses dressed up in yellow and green.
He’s our leader and needs to be seen.
There’s a mountain top and we call it Sinai.
With commandments – six hundred thirteen.
 
We will eat haroset, hope the matzah dough’s set.
Seder starts at sunset.
Left behind the Red Sea, desert walk, now we’re free!
But no place to poop or pee.
 
We got Aaron in front, Miriam in back
Marching along, And we don’t look back.
 
Moses dressed up in yellow and green.
Packer’s fan, or he likes Brazil’s team.
There’s a mountaintop and we call it Sinai
With commandments – six hundred thirteen.
 
Here’s the Ark and Raiders, we’ll do mitzahs later.
First we’ll mash potatas.
Now let’s have a Seder. No more alligator.
Just Bubbie and Zaydeh.

Howard Zaharoff
Latest posts by Howard Zaharoff (see all)
Share
Share